A recent event triggered this post. How often do we take our parents for granted? And yet do we realise how often their actions have our best interests at heart; whether we appreciate it or not?
Sometime last year, we decided to purchase a new car for our parents. We felt we are financially stable enough to withstand paying off another loan and since this one would be shared among the three of us, we encouraged our parents to get a better car. Suffice to say they started to worry that this purchase would be a huge burden to us, even before they placed a booking.
After some nagging, they finally took the plunge. But then we discovered yesterday that when they calculated the repayment value, they included a portion to be paid off by them. When asked why, mom replied, “Your dad and I feel guilty about burdening all of you with a huge loan repayment. You have other responsibilities and commitments.”
Consider this; my parents were the ones who helped us get started when we first graduated by paying a large down payment for our first cars. And now, they who are pensioners and are getting a monthly pittance from the government are willing to fork out money to pay a portion to lighten our supposed financial burden. I am humbled by that thought. Suffice to say, we talked them out of that hare brain scheme.
Looking back, there have been so many instances in our lives that they have sacrificed and influenced. If not for them, I might not have developed a love for reading which has allowed me to explore a whole new world. If not for them, I might not have known and appreciated the value of money. If not for them, I might not have learnt that there are values that one just can’t compromise. If not for them, I would not have challenged the status quo and pushed the limits of acceptance.
My parents brought us up on a government servant salary and while we have no trappings of great wealth, we grew up relatively comfortable, psychologically well-balanced and physically healthy. We are no rags-to-riches story but I am thankful to my parents because their influences have shaped my past and present, and they will hold me in good stead to face the future.
How often would you venture that our parents’ thoughts and worries are for us? How often do we show our appreciation in return? How often do we put their interests at heart? My struggle has always been to maintain a balance between what I want to achieve and what they need, and that has not been easy. Because when we get down to the bottom of it, all they ask for is our time and our presence. Is that too much to ask for? Probably not.
Dad & Mom, thank you and I am trying.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Of Gay and Lesbian relationships
There have been many conversations centred on gay and lesbian relationships (especially gay) since I met the siau gang. I could only accord the interest to several reasons. One, since we joined the gym, we have been exposed to a large number of gays who seemed quite obvious and open about their sexual preferences. Two, it is human nature to be curious about things we do not know and cannot comprehend. Three, the gang is curious enough to engage in open conversations on these relationships. When we say we are ok with these relationships, are we truly accepting them or are we merely paying lip service? After all, talk is cheap but do we walk the talk?
Two years ago, I was in London on a project which stretched over two weekends. Coincidentally, I spent one weekend with a gay friend and his partner, and the subsequent weekend with a lesbian friend and her partner. In my mind, I have never referred to them as that gay friend or that lesbian friend. They are just good friends of mine who have moved to live in a country that is more accepting of their sexual preferences and way of life. They have never made me uncomfortable before regarding their sexual preferences.
In any case, it was in London that I first spent more than a few hours in the presence of gay and lesbian couples. It was truly an eye opener. Knowing something about your friend is one thing. Seeing that something in action is an entirely different experience. There were no obvious moves but like any normal couple, there was a lingering touch here and an intimate look there.
The nature of these relationships truly hit home when during a conversation regarding my lesbian friend’s ex-husband (She once tried to lead a normal life; i.e. acquired a husband and the whole works but it didn’t work out!), her partner laughingly said, “But he has something that she doesn’t want.” The obvious reference to the male anatomy was not lost on me. And the seemingly innocuous remark stopped me in mid conversation for a few moments as I quickly recollected my thoughts. I hope I looked sufficiently blasé and did not gape like a fish. :p
The second incident was at the gay couple’s residence. We were watching a movie when a bed scene of a heterosexual couple appeared. The “female” gay partner suddenly remarked, “Look at those hanging boobs! It’s so disgusting!” And he promptly changed the channel. I was stunned for a moment and suddenly felt so inadequate about having boobs. Thinking back, it was hilarious. I was at a total lost for words and at that moment, I wished the earth would open up and swallow me whole.
My point, it is easy to say that we accept gay and lesbian relationships but when faced with the reality of those relationships, it is more difficult to handle and accept them. One of the siau gang recently caught the movie “Brokeback Mountain” and her comment was that she was uncomfortable with the scenes between the two gay lovers although these were only kissing scenes and there was no humping and pumping. She wanted to pass me the DVD but I was reluctant to take it. I told her that it’s because I couldn’t bear to watch such a manly guy like Heath Ledger playing a gay role. But could it be that I am, unconsciously, unable to accept such a relationship? Hmmm ….
I remembered watching “As Is”, a theatre production on a gay relationship, between characters played by Jit Murad and Zahim Albakri, more than a decade ago. It was a very controversial piece at a time when gay and lesbian relationships were not publicly discussed and HIV/ AIDS were universally feared. But it was a wonderful piece of work that probably changed some of my outlook on these relationships. A review of this play which was performed in another country can be found here.
I have walked through an entire emotional roller coaster with a friend who had to decide between conforming to norm by sticking to a heterosexual relationship or throwing caution to the winds and following her heart. It was no easy choice for her at that time and love is love irregardless of whether the relationship is hetero or homosexual. It doesn’t make watching her pain then any less real. And it doesn’t make watching her happiness now any less joyful. How then can I object to or censure such a relationship?
Yet having gone through all these experiences, I am still unsure of where I stand. A part of me (that part which was brought up in a convent school and was used to conforming to society) would like to take the moral high ground by saying that this is not normal! Another part of me (the one that has travelled much and had gone through that emotional roller coaster with a friend) feels compelled to defend these relationships. After all, they can’t help their sexual preferences.
Or can they?
I shall leave the morality issues to those who think they know better; because I know not. All I can do is to sigh with regret when I am told that a delicious-looking man that I have been eyeing is gay.
“Nothing that looks that good is straight!” A friend told me repeatedly.
Darn! Putus steam saje! And another one bites the dust! Life is tough. Not only are our choices dwindling fast but we have to “fight off” the womenfolk as well as the men folk. Who says life is fair? But despite all these trials and tribulations, I shall still stick to my personal motto, “a plug must go with a socket”! Hahaha …
Have a good day ahead!
Two years ago, I was in London on a project which stretched over two weekends. Coincidentally, I spent one weekend with a gay friend and his partner, and the subsequent weekend with a lesbian friend and her partner. In my mind, I have never referred to them as that gay friend or that lesbian friend. They are just good friends of mine who have moved to live in a country that is more accepting of their sexual preferences and way of life. They have never made me uncomfortable before regarding their sexual preferences.
In any case, it was in London that I first spent more than a few hours in the presence of gay and lesbian couples. It was truly an eye opener. Knowing something about your friend is one thing. Seeing that something in action is an entirely different experience. There were no obvious moves but like any normal couple, there was a lingering touch here and an intimate look there.
The nature of these relationships truly hit home when during a conversation regarding my lesbian friend’s ex-husband (She once tried to lead a normal life; i.e. acquired a husband and the whole works but it didn’t work out!), her partner laughingly said, “But he has something that she doesn’t want.” The obvious reference to the male anatomy was not lost on me. And the seemingly innocuous remark stopped me in mid conversation for a few moments as I quickly recollected my thoughts. I hope I looked sufficiently blasé and did not gape like a fish. :p
The second incident was at the gay couple’s residence. We were watching a movie when a bed scene of a heterosexual couple appeared. The “female” gay partner suddenly remarked, “Look at those hanging boobs! It’s so disgusting!” And he promptly changed the channel. I was stunned for a moment and suddenly felt so inadequate about having boobs. Thinking back, it was hilarious. I was at a total lost for words and at that moment, I wished the earth would open up and swallow me whole.
My point, it is easy to say that we accept gay and lesbian relationships but when faced with the reality of those relationships, it is more difficult to handle and accept them. One of the siau gang recently caught the movie “Brokeback Mountain” and her comment was that she was uncomfortable with the scenes between the two gay lovers although these were only kissing scenes and there was no humping and pumping. She wanted to pass me the DVD but I was reluctant to take it. I told her that it’s because I couldn’t bear to watch such a manly guy like Heath Ledger playing a gay role. But could it be that I am, unconsciously, unable to accept such a relationship? Hmmm ….
I remembered watching “As Is”, a theatre production on a gay relationship, between characters played by Jit Murad and Zahim Albakri, more than a decade ago. It was a very controversial piece at a time when gay and lesbian relationships were not publicly discussed and HIV/ AIDS were universally feared. But it was a wonderful piece of work that probably changed some of my outlook on these relationships. A review of this play which was performed in another country can be found here.
I have walked through an entire emotional roller coaster with a friend who had to decide between conforming to norm by sticking to a heterosexual relationship or throwing caution to the winds and following her heart. It was no easy choice for her at that time and love is love irregardless of whether the relationship is hetero or homosexual. It doesn’t make watching her pain then any less real. And it doesn’t make watching her happiness now any less joyful. How then can I object to or censure such a relationship?
Yet having gone through all these experiences, I am still unsure of where I stand. A part of me (that part which was brought up in a convent school and was used to conforming to society) would like to take the moral high ground by saying that this is not normal! Another part of me (the one that has travelled much and had gone through that emotional roller coaster with a friend) feels compelled to defend these relationships. After all, they can’t help their sexual preferences.
Or can they?
I shall leave the morality issues to those who think they know better; because I know not. All I can do is to sigh with regret when I am told that a delicious-looking man that I have been eyeing is gay.
“Nothing that looks that good is straight!” A friend told me repeatedly.
Darn! Putus steam saje! And another one bites the dust! Life is tough. Not only are our choices dwindling fast but we have to “fight off” the womenfolk as well as the men folk. Who says life is fair? But despite all these trials and tribulations, I shall still stick to my personal motto, “a plug must go with a socket”! Hahaha …
Have a good day ahead!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
YES! I DID IT AGAIN!
OK. Confession time. Part of the reason I was Missing In Action for so long was because I was also on vacation recently. And yes, I was up in the mountains seeking for my muse, my inspiration and another triumphant tale to tell.
Three years ago in May, a group of friends and I climbed Mount Kinabalu via Timpohon Gate, and we (the whole group) emerged triumphant.
A week plus ago, another group of friends and I climbed the mountain again, this time via Mersilau Trail. And this group too made it to the top!
Mount Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia, @ 4,095m! Three years might have passed, but the beauty of the mountain has not changed. Below are pictures from both occassions.
The journey up Mount Kinabalu via the Mersilau Trail, a week plus ago
Water falls found along the trail
Streams found along the trail
Bonsai Trees or Sayat-sayat along the trail
The Mersilau Trail joins the Timpohon Trail
about 2km before Laban Rata
Laban Rata
South Peak
At Low's Peak
Low's Gully
The journey up Mount Kinabalu via Timpohon Gate, three years ago
Sunrise at Low's Peak
At Low's Peak
St John's Peak
Three years ago in May, a group of friends and I climbed Mount Kinabalu via Timpohon Gate, and we (the whole group) emerged triumphant.
A week plus ago, another group of friends and I climbed the mountain again, this time via Mersilau Trail. And this group too made it to the top!
Mount Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia, @ 4,095m! Three years might have passed, but the beauty of the mountain has not changed. Below are pictures from both occassions.
The journey up Mount Kinabalu via the Mersilau Trail, a week plus ago
Water falls found along the trail
Streams found along the trail
Bonsai Trees or Sayat-sayat along the trail
The Mersilau Trail joins the Timpohon Trail
about 2km before Laban Rata
Laban Rata
South Peak
At Low's Peak
Low's Gully
The journey up Mount Kinabalu via Timpohon Gate, three years ago
Sunrise at Low's Peak
At Low's Peak
St John's Peak
Time ~ those fleeting moments
I have been blog silent recently. My Slovenia account was stalled for awhile but I have just updated it. My apologies that it is slow in coming but it is after all at the mercy of my muse and of course, time!
Truly, being busy is only part of the reason that blogging has almost come to a halt. The other reason is that blogging has lost its initial lustre. More and more, I find myself struggling to prioritise my time between work, activities and the people who matter in my life. I wonder if it is only me that has this problem. Perhaps I am totally hopeless at time management.
Time flies, doesn’t it?
I just found out that an ex boss of mine has been posted to Taiwan. I have not met him for years. We have been talking about meeting up since forever but we never really got round to that. Now, he has already left for Taiwan.
Another friend called recently asking if I have dropped off the face of earth. The last I met her was just after she had given birth to her second kid at the end of last year. The kid could probably crawl by now.
How fleeting these moments are and how soon they are gone. It made me think perhaps I have not made as much of it as I should have.
How do you measure time?
I was chatting with a friend recently. His work is marked by the period of each contract and he just got into another three year project in Saudi Arabia. To him, time is measured in blocks of weeks that he gets to come back to Malaysia.
Another friend works as an engineer on a vessel. His job requires him to go out to sea for four months at a time. When he returns to land, he gets a four-month rest with absolutely nothing to do. For him, his time is measured in blocks of four months.
For me? Time seems to be immeasurable. I seem to fleet from one thing to another and before I know it, six months have passed. Somehow I find myself unable to take control of it.
Can you?
I leave you with this beautiful piece on …
Time
(from The Prophet)
by Khalil Gibran
And an astronomer said, 'Master, what of Time?'
And he answered:
You would measure time the measureless and the immeasurable.
You would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons.
Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch its flowing.
Yet the timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness,
And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream.
And that that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space.
Who among you does not feel that his power to love is boundless?
And yet who does not feel that very love, though boundless, encompassed within the centre of his being, and moving not from love thought to love thought, nor from love deeds to other love deeds?
And is not time even as love is, undivided and paceless?
But if in you thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons,
And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing.
Truly, being busy is only part of the reason that blogging has almost come to a halt. The other reason is that blogging has lost its initial lustre. More and more, I find myself struggling to prioritise my time between work, activities and the people who matter in my life. I wonder if it is only me that has this problem. Perhaps I am totally hopeless at time management.
Time flies, doesn’t it?
I just found out that an ex boss of mine has been posted to Taiwan. I have not met him for years. We have been talking about meeting up since forever but we never really got round to that. Now, he has already left for Taiwan.
Another friend called recently asking if I have dropped off the face of earth. The last I met her was just after she had given birth to her second kid at the end of last year. The kid could probably crawl by now.
How fleeting these moments are and how soon they are gone. It made me think perhaps I have not made as much of it as I should have.
How do you measure time?
I was chatting with a friend recently. His work is marked by the period of each contract and he just got into another three year project in Saudi Arabia. To him, time is measured in blocks of weeks that he gets to come back to Malaysia.
Another friend works as an engineer on a vessel. His job requires him to go out to sea for four months at a time. When he returns to land, he gets a four-month rest with absolutely nothing to do. For him, his time is measured in blocks of four months.
For me? Time seems to be immeasurable. I seem to fleet from one thing to another and before I know it, six months have passed. Somehow I find myself unable to take control of it.
Can you?
I leave you with this beautiful piece on …
Time
(from The Prophet)
by Khalil Gibran
And an astronomer said, 'Master, what of Time?'
And he answered:
You would measure time the measureless and the immeasurable.
You would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons.
Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch its flowing.
Yet the timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness,
And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream.
And that that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space.
Who among you does not feel that his power to love is boundless?
And yet who does not feel that very love, though boundless, encompassed within the centre of his being, and moving not from love thought to love thought, nor from love deeds to other love deeds?
And is not time even as love is, undivided and paceless?
But if in you thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons,
And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing.
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