Of Gay and Lesbian relationships

There have been many conversations centred on gay and lesbian relationships (especially gay) since I met the siau gang. I could only accord the interest to several reasons. One, since we joined the gym, we have been exposed to a large number of gays who seemed quite obvious and open about their sexual preferences. Two, it is human nature to be curious about things we do not know and cannot comprehend. Three, the gang is curious enough to engage in open conversations on these relationships. When we say we are ok with these relationships, are we truly accepting them or are we merely paying lip service? After all, talk is cheap but do we walk the talk?

Two years ago, I was in London on a project which stretched over two weekends. Coincidentally, I spent one weekend with a gay friend and his partner, and the subsequent weekend with a lesbian friend and her partner. In my mind, I have never referred to them as that gay friend or that lesbian friend. They are just good friends of mine who have moved to live in a country that is more accepting of their sexual preferences and way of life. They have never made me uncomfortable before regarding their sexual preferences.

In any case, it was in London that I first spent more than a few hours in the presence of gay and lesbian couples. It was truly an eye opener. Knowing something about your friend is one thing. Seeing that something in action is an entirely different experience. There were no obvious moves but like any normal couple, there was a lingering touch here and an intimate look there.

The nature of these relationships truly hit home when during a conversation regarding my lesbian friend’s ex-husband (She once tried to lead a normal life; i.e. acquired a husband and the whole works but it didn’t work out!), her partner laughingly said, “But he has something that she doesn’t want.” The obvious reference to the male anatomy was not lost on me. And the seemingly innocuous remark stopped me in mid conversation for a few moments as I quickly recollected my thoughts. I hope I looked sufficiently blasé and did not gape like a fish. :p

The second incident was at the gay couple’s residence. We were watching a movie when a bed scene of a heterosexual couple appeared. The “female” gay partner suddenly remarked, “Look at those hanging boobs! It’s so disgusting!” And he promptly changed the channel. I was stunned for a moment and suddenly felt so inadequate about having boobs. Thinking back, it was hilarious. I was at a total lost for words and at that moment, I wished the earth would open up and swallow me whole.

My point, it is easy to say that we accept gay and lesbian relationships but when faced with the reality of those relationships, it is more difficult to handle and accept them. One of the siau gang recently caught the movie “Brokeback Mountain” and her comment was that she was uncomfortable with the scenes between the two gay lovers although these were only kissing scenes and there was no humping and pumping. She wanted to pass me the DVD but I was reluctant to take it. I told her that it’s because I couldn’t bear to watch such a manly guy like Heath Ledger playing a gay role. But could it be that I am, unconsciously, unable to accept such a relationship? Hmmm ….

I remembered watching “As Is”, a theatre production on a gay relationship, between characters played by Jit Murad and Zahim Albakri, more than a decade ago. It was a very controversial piece at a time when gay and lesbian relationships were not publicly discussed and HIV/ AIDS were universally feared. But it was a wonderful piece of work that probably changed some of my outlook on these relationships. A review of this play which was performed in another country can be found here.

I have walked through an entire emotional roller coaster with a friend who had to decide between conforming to norm by sticking to a heterosexual relationship or throwing caution to the winds and following her heart. It was no easy choice for her at that time and love is love irregardless of whether the relationship is hetero or homosexual. It doesn’t make watching her pain then any less real. And it doesn’t make watching her happiness now any less joyful. How then can I object to or censure such a relationship?

Yet having gone through all these experiences, I am still unsure of where I stand. A part of me (that part which was brought up in a convent school and was used to conforming to society) would like to take the moral high ground by saying that this is not normal! Another part of me (the one that has travelled much and had gone through that emotional roller coaster with a friend) feels compelled to defend these relationships. After all, they can’t help their sexual preferences.

Or can they?

I shall leave the morality issues to those who think they know better; because I know not. All I can do is to sigh with regret when I am told that a delicious-looking man that I have been eyeing is gay.

“Nothing that looks that good is straight!” A friend told me repeatedly.

Darn! Putus steam saje! And another one bites the dust! Life is tough. Not only are our choices dwindling fast but we have to “fight off” the womenfolk as well as the men folk. Who says life is fair? But despite all these trials and tribulations, I shall still stick to my personal motto, “a plug must go with a socket”! Hahaha …

Have a good day ahead!