Not again!

Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day are probably the worst days of a singleton’s life; especially for those who are over ripe for the pickings. I mean, if you want to find a day when people lay on the guilt about being single, well, these are the days!

It’s incredible really. The pointed questions asked, the numerous advices given, the never-ending and sometimes malicious teasing. And subtlety be damned! A colleague of mine even went as far as “reading” my “pat chi” to find out if marriage is in the cards for me. And to his glee (“his” mind you, not “mine”), it seemed that I would not be an “old maid” after all.

And here we, poor single sots, are put in the spotlight to defend our single status. My goodness! Why do we have to pander to society’s whims of how the cycle of life should be? Why should it be a cycle of birth, education, work, marriage, babies, retirement and death?

While I am sure a lot of these people mean well, I wonder if they ever thought of the feelings they might have hurt with their endless bout of queries. The questions ask sometimes make one feels less than he/she really is … as if not being attached or married means some sort of failure in life.

Is it any wonder why so many marriages fail these days? How many people hop on to the marriage bandwagon due to society’s pressure only to find out later that that is the worst mistake of their lives?

Heck! If finding a mate is so easy, any Tom, Dick and Harry (or Sissy, Sassy and Sally) would do! And while we are at that, does it mean if we can’t find a mate that fits, do we force fit ourselves to pander to society’s expectations? Marriage is already difficult enough. Would this not be a recipe for disaster?

Perhaps it is time for one to think before he/she speaks. Think of the impact of your words to a singleton. It’s not as if what you are saying is anything new. We have heard it all probably a zillion times before. If you can’t add anything new, and you can’t offer any real help, then isn’t discretion (or silence) the better part of valour?

Do give the singletons a break! Life and relationships are tough enough without the added pressure of getting married when one is not ready yet, not ready at all or might not ever be ready! Think of how hard you have to work at your marriage, at your relationship.

I stand at the gateway of life and wonder if that elusive mate even exists.