Musings

Am I being too unambitious and lackadaisical? Have I fallen into the vicious cycle of contentment and inertia?

Recently, I came to know of an internal job opening within the company but with another business unit. The job however warrants the candidate to be based either in China or Vietnam. I couldn't be bothered and like any other email with regards to internal openings, I moved that one to the trash bin too.

Then yesterday, a colleague brought up the subject of this opening and encouraged me to apply. But I was resistant to the idea. The main issue is that I would have to relocate if I get the job. And then, there is also the fact that I only know a smattering of Mandarin. And the job is in another business and on a product that's not very exciting. Also .....

Dang! I'm doing it again. Giving a million and one excuses of why I should not go for it. Which brought me to this post tonight. Another colleague brought up the subject of this job today and when I offered the above reasons (and more) of why I cannot move, he shot down every excuse and made me think and question myself.

Why the inertia?

Granted, there are not a lot of pull factors for me to go. But upon reflection, there are not a lot of pull factors for me to stay on either. Yet, I am in no hurry to leave the company. Truth be told, I have had a few calls from friends asking me if I am interested in leaving my current company since they know of suitable positions that are available elsewhere. I have given them lukewarm responses all this while.

It dawned on me that since I joined this company three years back, I have been bombarded with so much office politics that I have grown an enormous fear of moving anywhere. After all, "better the devil you know than the devil you don't", right? And in my current job level, it is difficult to avoid office politics wherever I go. One has to be smart about this ~ either you learn to side step the politics or you dive into it full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes. Unfortunately, I am the type who tries to side step them but have gotten singe along the way.

But today I realised that I have, subconciously, allowed this fear to rule my head and my heart many times in the last few years. So much so that I sometimes feel suffocated having to toe the line over issues I can't agree with. While we have to be smart about playing our cards right, we have also to balance that with honouring our views and giving them a fair chance for discussion.

It's clearer to me now after articulating my thoughts in writing. Whether I apply for the said position is immaterial. The point is I need to straighten out my priorities and direction of where I want my career to go. Perhaps my destiny is not meant to be with this company. Perhaps my destiny is not meant to be in Malaysia. Hmm ... I would have to give this further thought.

Goodnight Malaysia wherever you are and thanks for "listening" in the wee hours of the night.