Who would want to be a grown up if they could remain kids?

When we refer to runaways, the first thought that comes to mind is that they are teenagers with massive problems at home.

Why can't adults be runaways too? Sometimes, I wish I could runaway from all the responsibilities of being an adult.

I want to be a kid again. I want to be free of responsibilities. I want to runaway from my neverending dissertation. I want to runaway from the endless cycle of planning, setting targets and chasing for sales. I want to not worry if my staff is coming up to scratch. I want to speak freely without having to face repercussions or to hurt someone I love with my candid speech. I want to be able to resign at will without worrying who will pay my bills. I want to go home without worrying if the car park is going to be flooded or the walls are going to fall apart.

I want to just run in a field of daffodils without a care in the world. I want to sink my feet in fine, soft, warm sand. I want to walk along an endless stretch of sandy beach and bask in the sun. I want fly in a microlite and let the wind take me where it will. I want to set sail with no destination in mind.

Sigh! It's been a tough week with no light at the end of the tunnel. I know the sun will come up tomorrow and the world will be well again.

But tonight, ... tonight, I just want to wallow. I want to runaway from being an adult. Anyone care to join me???

Goodnight Malaysia whoever you are!

“Trust me with my sms dear …”

Caught over compromising messages via sms and messaging services … Looks like technology is the cause of social ills and relationship break ups these days! It’s probably not that people cheat more these days but perhaps it’s easier to trace the cheat??! :p I wonder what they use in the Stone Age days. Compromising messages via smoke signals? Hmmmm … now THAT would be a sight to behold! Hahahaha …

In any case, the gist of yesterdays’ topic over the Big Bang Breakfast show was how much do you trust your spouse or partner with their sms? One listener claimed that his relationship broke up because he accidentally read his girlfriend’s sms one day and the supposed “god brother” of his girlfriend (with whom she spent a lot of time with) left the following text message, “Good night. I love you.” And, as they say in the theatres, the rest was history.

This reminds me of an incident with an ex-colleague. He was cheating on his wife and was caught with his “pants” down (figuratively speaking) when his love interest decided to text message him at all hours of the day and NIGHT! Now, can you imagine your boyfriend’s or husband’s handphone beeping at 2 in the morning? Not one or two nights but for several nights in a row. Even a stupid wife would be suspicious, wouldn’t she? And his wife was no fool. All hell broke lose and as the Cantonese saying goes, it was “look kor tai fung siong”. She “whacked” his beloved sports car. She caused mayhem at home. She “whacked” his head. She went crying to her family and his family. But who could blame her .... Ahh … hell hath no fury like a woman scorned or cheated upon.

But, but … what if the text message was entirely innocent? One lady listener claimed that her good friend (a guy) got into a huge row with his girlfriend over her online messages to him. And she (the listener) was extremely saddened by that as she claimed that the friendship was entirely innocent! So, does this mean one has to stop sending text messages to one’s friends who are of the opposite sex but are attached?

What happened to trust? What if it was truly an innocent message that was misconstrued? Would you check your partner’s text messages? And would you feel insulted if your partner checks yours?

Hmm … personally, I think that if there is nothing to hide, what harm is there for him/her to read the messages? After awhile, he/ she will get bored with it. But, yeah, one would probably feel as if there is no trust in the relationship. Then again, trust is a rare and precious commodity these days. To trust or not to trust? To check or not to check? It’s a tough call.

You are damned if you do. And you might be damned if you don’t!

Of car park floods and exterminating ants

"The car park is flooded!" I was told by this neighbour whose car was blocking the way to LG2, which obviously housed my parking bay.

Blinking hell! A flooded car park? At a new condo? What the heck! I should have known better! After living through so many freak incidents here in less than a year since moving in, one would have thought I would have become pretty blaze to all these shenanigans! Geee .. but I was overworked, stressed out and darn tired that day. All I wanted was a hot shower, warm coffee and some TLC. Looks like that ain't gonna happen real soon then. Finally, when all the excitement calmed, I found out that there was one hell of a storm and the car park became one heck of a huge shower stall. Water was gushing out from the cracks, I was told. Cracks? Gulp!

In the next couple of days, the car park was almost back to normal although it was pretty wet. Just the night before, there was a sudden heavy downpour. There I was rushing down to LG2 again to drive my car up to G level, just in case the place get flooded again! Grrrrr ... evicted from my own car park although it was a personal choice! I can't believe developers and contractors can get away with such shoddy work. And to think they sold this place as a 5-star resort styled condo. They got me good ~ hook, line and sinker. It's such a stinker. Grrrrr ... I must think of Plan B soon.

But that's not the end of the story! Not by a far shot. Recently, I noticed an increase in ant population at my condo. I couldn't understand why as I hardly cook here and do not really keep food around. But the little red ants are always around on my kitchen counter top ~ no matter how many times I wipe and clean that.

But today topped that once again! When I got home after another taxing day, I found a long trail of industrious little red ants crawling away from the kitchen counter top, down to the floor, across my dining hall, then onward to the sitting room and out to the balcony! Eeeks! That's it! I am on a vendetta. No more Miss Nice to these antsy. No siree! Call in the exterminators! Bring in the troops! But alas! I realised I didnt have any insect repellent.

BUT I spy with my little eye a bottle of "clean glass" spray. It's some sort of detergent to clean glass surfaces. I took that bottle and started spraying on the trail of ants. And guess what?!! Wonders of wonders! It worked!!! That's a handy household tip. They are all now quite dead. I usually am not so violent and gleeful over these sort of things. But dang! It felt good. Got rid of the ant problem for now. Will have to check again tomorrow. Dang! Alrighty then. Enough of whining.

Good night Malaysia, wherever you are.

Anonymity on the Net? It's a freaking lie!

Dang! The next time your fingers get lazy, but you decide to recycle something you wrote from your blog to sound witty, DO NOT DO IT! There is no such thing as anonymity on the net. Some smart aleck will surely know how to "google" and drive you up the wall with his uncanny insights of your life! Sigh!

Dang! I suddenly feel like a dumb blonde. But since I am neither a blond nor dumb (not that this episode can tell), I am feeling like a super duper dumb blonde! Talk about double whammy! Time to colour my hair again to fit the bill! :p

No excuse for moi this time since the said cybernaut have given me enough clues. Sigh! Talk about having a peabrain. I will try to blame this on the sleepless nights slogging away on the yet to be submitted dissertation and the stressful days redoing the blardy 2006 plan and trying to bring in sales. Yeegads!

To HE who pulled the wool over my eyes soooo easily, TOUCHE MATE! Three cheers! (Hip Hip Hooray! X3) Technically, I am only blogging, not answering. So there! Hehehehe ... Just can't resist announcing my final realisation when I tested google today with some of my words. It's blardy late in coming though. Dang! Larry Page and Sergey Brin have a lot to answer for.

Anonymity on the Net? My blardy foot there is! :P

The Siau Gang

The whole siau gang is in this picture. Before I met these folks, I never thought that a group of people can get together and connect so quickly due to one single passion - SWEAT! And it's not an every month thingy. If you speak to the real hardcore in this group, their passion for sweat is almost everyday. And one or two mad ones sweat it out 2-3 hours a day. Talk about "weird". Hahahaha ...

From taichi to yoga, balance to pump, combat to rpm, and a few more, they are equally eager. Once I introduced a few of them to trekking and it was like Gasing Hill madness for a couple of intense weeks. The latest craze I heard are tower runs although I have been missing in action for a while now. Read in Little Monster's blog that they are now into the marathon craze.

Kinda miss you folks. But, as you all know, life starts after dissertation submission for me. Hope to join you soon. Really miss trekking, white coffee, Body Combat, Body Balance and mamak with you folks.

Also, highly unfit these days. Gotta train for the mountain! Otherwise you guys have to drag me up! :p

Chap Goh Mei Celebration

It's been a long time coming, this gathering. I have lost touch with a few of them for awhile.

I used to go trekking with a few of these folks. We spent many a wonderful weekend scoring the jungles and national parks of Malaysia. These days, many of them have hung up their trekking boots and settled down to family life. (Thus, the many cute kiddos in the pix.)

To friendship!

Love is in the Air

Ahhh …. Did you notice that the air is extra thick with romance these days? Especially with the passing of Chap Goh Mei (or what we refer to as Chinese Valentine’s Day) yesterday, and the coming of Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Did you not feel the extra pollen of love floating in the warm February air? Are you not touched by Cupid’s arrow? Did you not feel like howling at a full February moon? (Oops! Wrong script.)

The TV channels are full of love, the radio deejays talk about love, the newspapers are littered with love, and the malls are dressed in love … can it get any more cheesy than that? Makes one feel like hibernating for the entire month of February and living the life of a recluse with no outside communication. Have a heart for those who are single and not in love. I am beginning to think that February is a month that is conceptualised solely to torment us poor sots who are not hit by Cupid’s arrow. Just fresh from licking the wounds of Chinese New Year with refrains like “this is your last ang pow” and “when are you getting married?” February decides to sic Valentine’s Day on us too. It’s probably some divine intervention to give the “single and fancy free” an almighty push. “What are you waiting for? Choose, choose, choose! Stop procrastinating.” Yadda, yadda, yadda … Ahh! The injustice of it all! Why can’t February be as perfect as the other months of the year?

This is the one time in the year you wish you are in love just to get people off your back. It’s not even required that the supposed object of your affection do not return your so-called love. So long as there is an object, at least you get to talk about your “love”. That nerd in school is beginning to look mighty good looking these days. OMG! Did I say that? I think we need to take Cupid to task for his/ her lack of fair play; or else we have to negotiate with those folks who created the calendar and request the month of February to be taken out of the line-up entirely. What do you think? Would that work? … Nah! Oh well, at least I gave it a good thought. If we can’t beat them, let’s join them.

Maybe we can start by whipping out that little black book.

Simon?
I think he got married last year.

Cheah?
Err … did he not just come out of the closet about being gay?

Charlie?
THAT’s Charlene!

Daniel?
Wouldn’t that be cradle snatching?

Joe?
Ugh! That old thang?

Picky! Picky! Picky! Oh well … better luck next year.


Meanwhile, here’s a collection of quotes as a tribute to love, sweet love!

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -- Anonymous

“The heart has reasons that reason cannot know.” -- Pascal

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” -- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam, 1850

“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” -- Benjamin Franklin

“Where there is love there is life.” -- Gandhi

“We look forward to the time when the power to love will replace the love of power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.” -- William Gladstone

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.” -- Friedrich Nietzsche

“Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.” -- Rabbi Julius Gordon

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” -- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

"Cogito ergo sum"

Unbeknownst to me, my friend Siew recently went into coma just before the Chinese New Year celebrations (that's another tale altogether) and woke up a few days later with total memory loss. She has since then, thank god, fully recovered. Interestingly enough, during her amnesia, she remembered enough to write on a piece of paper the words, "Who am I?"

One friend, Connie, commented that despite having no memory of her life, by those words, Siew proved that she knows she exists. And thus, Connie concluded that this episode has perhaps bring us a step closer to understanding and believing in the long and endless debate of the existence of a soul.

A "soul", as defined in www.dictionary.com, can be described in the following ways:
1. The animating and vital principle in humans, credited with the faculties of thought, action, and emotion and often conceived as an immaterial entity.
2. The spiritual nature of humans, regarded as immortal, separable from the body at death, and susceptible to happiness or misery in a future state.
3. The disembodied spirit of a dead human.

This brings to mind Rene Descartes, also known as the father of modern philosophy. Descartes suggests that there is no knowledge that can be guaranteed. He couldn't even be certain that his body was real but he could be certain that his thoughts existed!

How could he be certain? Descartes postulates that doubt is a kind of thinking. And trying to doubt that one is thinking disproves that doubt! Follow me so far? Essentially what he means is that the awareness of thought comes first. And that thought proves that he exists. But it does not work the other way round i.e. the awareness of his existence first allows him the faculty of thought because when you become aware of your existence, you have already started thinking!

Hence,
"Cogito, ergo sum" ~ or in Latin "I am thinking, therefore I exist", or traditionally "I think, therefore I am".
~ Rene Descartes

Descartes went on to suggest that humans are dualist beings ~ of spiritual minds or souls inhabiting material bodies. And these bodies are like machines and will eventually perish. But our minds live on. Our minds are immortal.

But Buddhism denies the existence of an unchanging and eternal soul created by God.

According to Buddhism mind is nothing but a complex compound of fleeting mental states. One unit of consciousness consists of three phases -- arising or genesis (uppada) static or development (thiti), and cessation or dissolution (bhanga).

Immediately after the cessation stage of a thought moment there occurs the genesis stage of the subsequent thought-moment. Each momentary consciousness of this ever-changing life-process, on passing away, transmits its whole energy, all the indelibly recorded impressions to its successor.

Every fresh consciousness consists of the potentialities of its predecessors together with something more. There is therefore, a continuous flow of consciousness like a stream without any interruption. The subsequent thought moment is neither absolutely the same as its predecessor -- since that which goes to make it up is not identical -- nor entirely another -- being the same continuity of kamma energy. Here there is no identical being but there is an identity in process.

~ Buddhism in a Nutshell by Narada Thera

Confused? Me too. Essentially, my understanding of this concept is that the mind is a series of continuous thought-moment that lives and dies and transmits its whole energy with all the previous memory to the next thought moment.

But if a soul does not exist, what is reborn then?

According to Buddhism, when life ceases the kammic energy re-materializes itself in another form. As Bhikkhu Silacara says: "Unseen it passes whithersoever the conditions appropriate to its visible manifestation are present. Here showing itself as a tiny gnat or worm, there making its presence known in the dazzling magnificence of a Deva or an Archangel's existence. When one mode of its manifestation ceases it merely passes on, and where suitable circumstances offer, reveals itself afresh in another name or form."

It's an interesting concept. But in applying this concept to the episode that Siew had experienced, does this mean that what she wrote was just kammic energy that continuously and actively lives, dies and transmits itself to the next thought process? And while she was in a coma, can we assume that the kammic energy continues to work. How then does one explain the temporary amnesia? The mind boggles with this concept. But such concept has its support in today's science, which has discovered that atoms are divisible and destructable and in the course of those processes, energy is created and passed on. How that works beats me. It is interesting food for thought though ... isn't it?

Have a good weekend while we ponder the existence of our souls and minds.

A family of bloggers

Starlight, starbright,
What is that within my sight?
My cousins' blogs alright.

Starlight, starbright,
Read 'em blogs alright,
With surprise and much delight!

Starlight, starbright,
Read 'em blogs with such pride,
Cousins dears, they are such delight!


Goodness! Blow me away! I just discovered that another two cousins blog. Sorry Chris, gotta move your blog link two levels down to make way for Colin's and Clarence's. I wonder when Cheryl will get onto the blogwagon. Or has she already?

Welcome on board all. We are now officially a family of bloggers! Hooray!

How much longer can we keep our Chinese New Year traditions alive?

When I was a kid, Chinese New Year had felt so magical. It wasn’t just the “ang pows” that made it so memorable. It was the whole atmosphere of joy, cheer and family togetherness!

It was a time of getting together with my maternal grandpa and grandma, my paternal grandma, uncles and aunties, assortment of cousins and second cousins. Uncles, aunts and cousins whom we had not seen for ages would return from far away to celebrate the Chinese New Year with us. We would spend countless of hours at grandpa’s place with many relatives coming and going.

Grandpa’s place was huge ~ a three story house with split levels for the kitchen and the dining area; it was a wonderful place to play “pang pang” (hide and seek) and “ah chi chook”. And who could forget uncles and aunties at the mahjong table playing till the wee hours of the morning?

And what would Chinese New Year be without the adults adhering to the superstitions or “pantang larang”. (Nowadays, I see it more as keeping the tradition alive rather than adhering to superstitions.) Mom was not much of a traditionalist but she adhered to certain rules i.e. hiding the broom and no sweeping on the first day. She used to nag us for wearing black, grey or blue on the first day of the Lunar New Year. She believes that we should usher in the New Year wearing bright colours.

What would Chinese New Year be without “pau cheong” (firecrackers)? As kids, we used to light up fireworks a week before the New Year. The din of fireworks would be all around the neighbourhood. We have a Hokkien neighbour who would light up a huge “pau cheong” on New Year’s Eve to “chip chow san” (usher in the God of Wealth). When we got together with our assortment of cousins, we used to run around the neighbourhood, play “ko kuan” (gala panjang) and all sorts of games that we could think of or create. They were such perfect and carefree times.

Then grandpa died, followed a decade later by grandma and subsequently the other grandma passed on too. Grandpa’s house was sold and we started visiting uncles and aunties homes instead of gathering at one common place. The get together got smaller and smaller as years passed. A few uncles, aunties and their families from far away started returning fewer and fewer times, until a few do not return at all. We (my cousins, sisters and I) grew up and we moved on to larger cities and other countries to study and work. As time goes by, due to work commitments and other things, there are fewer people returning home or if we do, our schedules might not match.

I looked at our family get together recently and realised that it has gotten so much smaller. A few uncles, aunts and their families did not return. A few cousins were working overseas and could not return. I rushed through the New Year back home and returned to KL earlier due to work and dissertation deadlines. Although our get together was fun, the joy and cheer seemed more muted these days. The din of firecrackers and mahjong games has almost faded away. I looked at the faces of my cousins during the New Year and wondered if we would still have this get together in say 10-20 years time. Would we still gather together long after our elders passed on?

We are not kids anymore and perhaps, we do not view festivals in the same light. To some, it might be a chore to go home. To others, they might rather spend the long stretch of public holiday going for holidays. I can’t help but feel that we are losing an essential part of our tradition and culture. Would this festival become nothing more than a date on a calendar one day? Would it be another commercialised celebration; all money, no heart? Would the celebration become a mere memory to be told and retold in history for generations to come? I certainly hope not.

Happy Chinese New Year and an early Happy Chap Goh Mei to all! May the year of the dog bring you good health, fabulous luck, much cheer and plenty of wealth. And may it also bring the family together and build stronger family ties.

Gong Xi Gong Xi!

Wifely trials

Working in a male dominated industry can be very frustrating especially when you are faced with men who think that they know better just because.

BUT ...

Sometimes, it is sheer joy working in such an environment, especially when you are privy to interesting conversations such as the one below.

Colleague 1: Jialat! My wife just had her hair done for RM200. That's worth almost 2 years of haircut for me! (Note: I found out that he cuts his hair once a month at the price of RM9 per cut. Hmmm ...)

Moi: That's quite a normal rate these days la especially if you perm, colour or rebond.

Colleague 1: (Glared at me.) You women spend so unnecessarily. Spend so much, look the same. Waste money only!

(Did I forget to mention that he is quite tight fisted? Kiam siap! That's the word.)

Colleague 1: (Continued.) And I can't say a word about it. If I say she looks good, that's like saying it's ok to spend RM200 to do her hair. If I say she looks bad, god knows what she will do. Probably go out and get her hair fixed again for another RM200. Or worse!

(By now, all the other guys were laughing and nodding their heads in agreement. Oh, did I forget to mention I was the only lady around?)

Colleague 2: Aiyah! Save it la. Not worth saying anything. Just like me. A few weeks ago, I open the pantry door and there were packs and packs of expired instant noodles in there. All I did was ask why she (meaning his wife) keeps expired products and not use them . Why so wasteful?

(He looked around at a sea of nodding heads. It's like the guys were expecting an explosion.)

Colleague 2: I just ask a few simple questions and then she blew up. And we got into an argument over nothing. Then, for one week ~ ONE WEEK ~ she didn't speak to me!

(I suspect that she didn't do something else as well. Otherwise, why was he so upset? :P)

Colleague 3: It's not worth saying a word la. When you get married for so long, you sometimes learn to just shut up.

Colleague 2: (Nodded his head.) Yeah. I learned that lesson well. These days, I don't even want go near the pantry.

Colleague 1: (Said to me.) Listen and learn. Next time when you get married, you know what to do.

Moi: Do what ah? Don't get my hair done for RM200? Or don't keep expired instant noodles?

(The guys laughed then.)

Hmmm ... you learn something new every day, don't you. What I learnt is, if I get my hair done for RM200, I shall certainly not tell my hypothetical husband about it. And I will definitely lock my pantry. Hahahaha

Life can be so farnie sometimes!

A small respite

Finally! I submitted my first Literature Review draft to my supervisor. I am a week late and there are more to do but this is a vast relief.

It's been the worst two weeks in my life for a long while. I can't imagine writing can be so tough. When things won't flow, it just won't flow. I was ruminating on my literature review for more than a week.

I almost panicked last week when I realised that the whole basis of my original research question needs to be rebuild from another angle. Can you imagine the amount of rereading, rewriting and thinking that involved? I was stuck for days on that one chapter. The words just didn't flow right. I couldn't seem to rebuild the argument or the case well. So many times I was all for just submitting a slip shod work but something in me just won't give up. I wrote and rewrote and rewrote...

Finally, last night, I saw the light. Like a beacon shining bright, I saw it oh so clear. I am glad I didn't give up.

I suppose one learns what one is made of in times of crisis. I now know that I just can't simply submit something. I have to at least give a shot at doing it right and as well as I could at a given time.

Next, to code and enter the data. But I will leave it till tomorrow. I think I deserve a night of proper sleep.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

Originally I was supposed to take the whole week off to work on the dissertation but well, .... the best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray! Matters at work has a way of screwing up my priorities for the week. Only managed to take one day off today. Back to the grindstone tomorrow as there are urgent deadlines to be met at work before the long Chinese New Year hols.

I have had barely 5 hours sleep today. Went to bed early this morning at 7+am and got up about noon. The brain is not functioning properly, the eyes are grainy, etc, etc. I remember furiously typing away last night when the muse hit but yet somehow now, the brain is empty once again.

I wonder if any of you who have had the "pleasure" of working on a dissertation ever faced the problem of having a subject matter growing into a life of its own and getting out of hand. The more I type, the more the topic seem to move towards the opposite direction of my original thought intention. Now I am worried that my original hypotheses would not work and that my questionnaire is incorrect. Even though Mr. Z has taken a look at it and approved it, I have a sneaking suspicion that my thought process is diverting to something else.

Yet there is no turning back. As of last evening, I have had a total of 85 respondents. I have not checked if all the questionnaires are "usable". I was told by a friend that most likely NOT all are "clean" data. In any case, the goose is very much cooked. I definitely have to relook at the flow of my literature review and realign it to my original proposition.

Gosh! I am tired and beyond desperate.

With heartfelt gratitude and thanks ...

Total number of questionnaires collected so far totalled 47! This means another 53 or 93 more to go .... Yippeee!

Actually, it's quite an unbelievable feat. I feel so terribly touched! I am so blessed to have so much support from my coursemates, friends, colleagues, ex-colleagues and neighbours.

In fact, today I received calls from two of my coursemates who have already completed their dissertation a few months back. They kindly offered their help to assist me in churning the data and proof reading my dissertation respectively. Last week, I had calls from a few coursemates offering support and encouragement. Another coursemate (you know who you are) even emailed me his response all the way from Karachi. (Sorry to drag you away from the beautiful meenachis there to work on my dissertation questionnaire even though it was only for 10 minutes. Hehehe ...)

I am not quite sure if I deserve all these goodwill and help but I gladly accept all that's offered. Thank you all. You have my heartfelt gratitude.

I am supposed to take a few days off this week but urgent matters at work once again take precedence. I suppose life is like that. You win some, you lose some.

Whatever it is, I am still very grateful and thankful.

Counting marbles ...

Counting marbles ... counting questionnaires ... same difference I suppose.

At the moment, I am downloading a few questionnaires that just came in. All in all, I have collected about 12 samples since I sent out last eve. Not bad I suppose. Hopefully with the start of the new week, more people will be accessing their emails and will find it in their kind hearts to reply. (Yeah! I am sounding pathetic. More like desperation! :P) My target is to collect at least 100 by Wednesday but 150 would be better. The counting bean is starting again ... and here we have ... 138 more samples to go!

Meanwhile, read something interesting in my horoscope today. Yeah! Life's little pleasures come in horoscope reading for me these days. Hahahaha .... And so it goes ....

Here is your horoscope for Sunday, January 15:

Friends are very curious about your recent disappearing act. There's no mystery -- you've been so focused on a work goal or a creative project that you haven't had much time for socializing.

Hmmm ... I am not much of a believer in these sort of things but strange isn't it that today's horoscope seems to hit the jackpot?

And while we ponder the intricacies of horoscope reading that might or might not define our life and forsee our future, ... I'll get back to my dissertation.

Break is over and another day dawns. Tick! Tick! Tick!

Light at the end of the tunnel?

I must say, "discipline" stinks! My life in the last whole week consisted of going to work and then back home to work on my dissertation.

I resisted joining my friends for a "makan" trip to Teluk Gong, I stayed away from blogging for three whole days, I didn't go to the gym, I have forsaken my weekend trekking, etc, etc. Other than looking at the computer screen, I have been looking at the four walls (ok, maybe a few more walls than that) at home. Cut myself some slack and went out for dinner last Saturday night and lunch this afternoon with friends. Gee ... I didn't realise I am so much of an extrovert until I grounded myself at home.

Maggie noodles and me are the best of friends these days. I have been munching so much of late that I dared not look at the scales anymore. Maybe I should cut myself more slack and go to the gym tomorrow. Might save my sanity at least, if not my blooming weight.

Luckily my dissertation have progressed slightly from my last position. I completed my survey questionnaire two days ago and sent it to Mr. Z for an opinion. He reverted and I managed to get the questionnaire out to all my friends, my coursemates and a few neighbours today. I have already received three replies so far. Ok, 147 more to go. I think the next few days will be an exercise in patience, awaiting for the return of the questionnaires.

Meanwhile, I promise Mr. Z the first draft of my literature review on Monday. I am still stuck at chapter 2.1. Sigh!

Light at the end of the tunnel? That remains to be seen. Meanwhile, back to the grindstone.

Writer's Block

This is my second post for the year. Will wonders never cease?!! To those who think I might be hanging up the towel on blogging, let me assure you that this is not the case. I enjoy writing far too much to "cut my nose to spite my face", so to speak! :) There you go ... another nice phrase used. I have just made my day. Woohooo! Boy! Do I miss blogging!

In any case, I am trying to embrace discipline in my life for now. For those who know me very well ... stop laughing! :P Yeah! Yeah! Will wonders never cease. But as I have a more pressing matter at hand (read looming dissertation deadline), I am only making very short and infrequent jaunts to my blog these days.

I am just taking a few minutes off writing my dissertation as I have a massive writer's block. It's really the pits when words simply won't flow. Yeah! Shocking isn't it? Why can't writing a dissertation be more like writing blogs??? There is likely too much data in my head now due to reading too many articles, journals and literatures. Organising these data and putting it across in understandable and readable order plus ensuring that they make sense, is more of a challenge than I thought.

Oh well, back to the grindstone. Otherwise, my ever watchful task masters/ task mistresses will be on my back getting me focus on the task at hand. :p Much as I hate to admit it, thanks for the encouragement and wielding the "rod" when necessary dear friends.

Adios! Till my next little "escapism" jaunt!

Of New Years and old times …

Goodbye 2005, Hello 2006!

The New Year was celebrated with the siau gang over potluck and a sleepover at my place. We witnessed fireworks of various locations that lighted up the KL/PJ skyline from my balcony. Some of us yak and drank till morning and basically we had a jolly good time.

Yet, despite the company and the occasion, the change of year didn’t seem to have made an impact on me. It just felt like any other day except perhaps for the passing of time and the marking of the date. I threw away the 2005 calendar and brought out the 2006 calendar.

Reflecting on the year before i.e. 2004/2005, I remembered having a potluck too but at my old rented place with my trekking buddies i.e. a different group of friends. As far back as the millennium, I remembered New Year celebrations had always been with my trekking buddies although in the last two years, we have all grown apart.

Chronology of New Year celebrations:
* 1999/2000 – Celebrated with my new found trekking buddies at the Belum National Park up in the jungles of Perak. It was a “leechy” experience but a most unforgettable one.
* 2000/2001 – Celebrated with Lee Lee and a few new made backpacking friends at Sapa Mountains, North Vietnam. It was an eventful trip as this was where Ben (the confirmed bachelor of the trekking group) met his other half.
* 2001/2002 – Memory blank ~ can’t quite remember where I was but I am quite sure the celebration was with my trekking buddies.
* 2002/2003 – Celebrated with my trekking buddies at my old rented place.

It is strange to think that the years passed so swiftly from the date I just started out as an eager, budding trekker. I feel quite an old hand at it now although it’s been a while (almost 2 years) since the old trekking group have gone for a real camping and trekking trip. Truth be told, it was Lee Lee (the trek coordinator/ leader) that have kept the group together for so long. Perhaps getting together and growing apart is part and parcel of the cycle of life.

I admit I have perhaps taken some friendships for granted and not nurtured it as I should have. And for sure, I have taken my parents, sisters and family for granted.

With the dawn of the New Year, for a person who has given up on making resolutions, perhaps it is time to make a new one.

I resolve not to take any of my friendships and relationships for granted. I will strive to make time for my family and friends ~ be it through phone calls or get-togethers. This I shall vow, and this it shall be.

The Night that Was and the Morning After …

This is not a kiss-and-tell session in case you are wondering. Hahaha

This story is about the night that was my first ... Neighbourhood Watch (NW) … and the morning after. My brain is definitely not functioning normally the morning after. Staying up late watching DVD or reading or partying is definitely different from staying up haunting the hallowed corridors of our beloved condo home.

The Night that Was … 28th December
Personally, I didn’t really know what to expect. When Dad used to go for Rukun Tetangga, I thought it was such a grand adventure. But when you are faced with the thought of keeping your eyes wide open and your mind sharp after a long day at work, the adventure seems to have lost its lustre. But if others could do it, there should not be a reason why I couldn’t.

So there I was, about an hour late (I overslept), dressed in track bottoms, a t-shirt and a pair of running shoes, and wielding my trusty mobile. I was all ready to cause mayhem to anyone who dared disturb the peace of this neighbourhood. Yeah right! The choice of footwear was important as I wanted to be prepared for all eventualities i.e. in case I needed to run after or run from someone. I reckon the most likely scenario would probably be the latter. :p

The Watch wasn’t so bad after all; after I got past the initial “yawning” moments. As we had full attendance that night, we split up and worked on alternate floors ~ ensuring that the fire exits were all locked save for one, and be on the look out for anything strange or out of the ordinary. Luckily, all was quiet on the “western front”.

I had other interesting findings though. Did you know …
* All the 22nd floors had great views and fantastic breeze at night! You get what you paid for eh! : )
* We could run a grill competition. The various types, patterns and colours of grills on display are most fascinating. Puts mine to shame though.
* The number and types of padlocks varies in types and usage. Some locked themselves to the nines. Others not. A few others use bicycle locks. Hmmm …. And yet others have padlocks but did not use them. Either they have forgotten or they have grown tired of locking and unlocking so many locks every day.
* There is no end to the creativity of the residents. We found a feng shui door and several fascinating prints/paintings and lamps at the entrances.

And if that is not enough to pique your interest, I have funny, zany neighbours during my Watch. They kept me on my toes with their antics.

We finished the Watch by 2+ am and returned to our respective units. By then I was truly wide awake. It took me another hour plus to drop off to sleep.

The Morning After …
I was late for work … like really, really late for work. My eyes felt grainy and puffy and I probably needed toothpicks to prop my eyelids open. A colleague offered to draw eyes on my eyelids if I close them for forty winks. How helpful eh. :p I am not sure how some neighbours could still function normally at work the next day. I salute them their energy. Thank God my next two shifts are on Friday nights. Sleeping in sounds great the morning after!

And THAT was what transpired … Pretty easy eh. All in a Night's work. You can do it too.

Neighbourhood Watch anyone? : )

The year that was!

Gosh! It’s that time of year again. How time flies when you are keeping busy, fighting fires and having fun. And all you want to say is, “HALT! I am NOT DONE with 2005 yet!” But “they” never listen, do “they”?

Before I start sounding like a kook, here’s a countdown of the year that was for me! The good, the bad, the ugly and the freaky!

January – The Good
The final taught module (Statistics) for the part time MBA programme ended. It marked the end of three long years of attending part time three-hour a week classes per module. A taxing time it was trying to keep up with classes and group projects while juggling a heavy workload. Hooray for that!

But I dreadfully miss the camaraderie and friendships made during those three years. It is never the same again after the classes ended. We all moved on with our lives.

February – The Bad
Almost threw in the towel at work. I was hanging on by a thread; overwhelmed with new responsibilities. I had problems with the boss, got almost buried by office politics, and had to deal with a blardy new global MI system that screwed up our database and the demarcation of our businesses and plagued us with endless moving targets for the first few months of the year. Anything and everything that could go wrong went wrong!

March – Beginnings of The Good
Start of my journey in managing change of self and change at the workplace. Major reflections on what I want, what I could change and what I could accept; also gave myself until mid-year to resolve the issues at work. If I could not manage a turnaround on all my problems, it was time to move on.

Also collected the keys to my new condo!

April – The Good mostly : )
April marked the beginning of some heavy travelling for the year. I attended my second regional meeting in Macau (representing the passenger car oil business) on my own without my boss breathing down my neck. It was also the first time I felt I could spread my wings and that I have gained a modicum of trust from my superior since I was given these new responsibilities at the end of last year.

Extended my stay over the weekend in Hong Kong and met up with two old buddies from school days. It was an enlightening visit. I discovered that Hong Kong is more than just a shopping and eating paradise. Hong Kong also caters to a few good walking and trekking trails. We ventured out to the outlaying islands for a very different experience of Hong Kong. I had a good chat with that old buddy regarding dealing with difficult bosses and office politics. The conversation proved to be a turning point in my life and I am forever grateful we had that chat.

Also started looking for quotations to renovate my condo. Discovered a can of worms regarding the quality of work of the condo developer!

Finally collected my long overdue new company car! Good things come to those who wait. Yabadabadoo!!!

May – The Good and The Freaky
Reaped the profits of previous year’s labour as I was part of the team that met the target. Italy ~ there we went and thus we conquered! Hooray! It was my first experience following a tour group of 40 people. At times, it was nerve-wrecking and a pain in the “you-know-where”. Rushing here and rushing there. It was an interesting experience but that would be my limit. Tours equal company trips and that’s that.

Extended another week and met some friends at a neighbouring country, Slovenia. We backpacked and drove from the Mediterranean coast at the south of Slovenia to the Alps at the north. It was a most memorable trip, with me almost getting robbed at the Milan train station and a close encounter with “death” on my solo river kayaking adventure. I am very glad I live to tell the tale.

Also had an image changing moment. Changed my hair colour but instead of turning to a warm brown effect, I ended up with copper brown coloured hair. It was an experiment gone “bad” and my sales team who was travelling with me then had a jaw dropping moment! I managed to live with that for a month before I coloured it back to black.

June – The Bad mostly
Back to the grindstone. Pressures on sales and gross margins continued, with escalating raw material and crude oil costs driving the business targets off track. Malaysia business was under greater pressure (and so was I) as we have been delivering the numbers and were asked to deliver more by the region to help cover a few countries that under deliver.

We kicked start our roadshows this month, beginning with Penang. This is the start of the end of having quiet, weekends at home.

Finally started condo renovations and purchasing stuff for the condo. Money pressures abound. Huge conflicts with my parents over decisions on condo renovations and furniture purchases. Conflicts over time spent at work versus overseeing renovation works.

Paid my final rental and had to shift out of the rented condo! I had to do so as it was getting way too expensive to pay both rental and instalment. Continued being an illegal resident at my sister’s condo and drove her up the wall!

Altogether a very, very trying month.

July – The Bad continued
More travelling ~ JB and Penang once again. The JB event was an exercise in growing up overnight. Read my previous block on this.

Dissertation deadline with nothing to show for it. Requested for a temporary suspension i.e. stop the clock from counting down to the deadline and stop all work on dissertation. That was easy as I had my hands full with work, renovations and shifting in.

Condo renovations continued and finally, after all the rush, all the conflicts of opinions, we moved in at the end of July. A week after moving in, a young girl died in the condo swimming pool.

August – Recovering from The Bad
Malacca, there we went and another weekend was burnt! It was all about work, work and more work!

Reconnected with my seniors from school and started hanging out with them and a few gym “kaki”. The Siau Club was formed from there. Was drawn to rediscover questions on our purpose in life and in this world. Phooeeeyyy … it felt like those soul searching moments that I went through in my youthful tirade.

And finally a deserving week off from all the work stress. Met up with my crazy friends from UM and we explored the wilds of Bario. No phones, no TV, no roads. It was heaven on earth.

September – The Bad once again
Two more weekends burnt at work. At that point, I was craving to just stay home and hibernate. One trip down to Bangkok to discuss the 2006 Plan. Work, work, work. Travel, travel, travel. At that point, it felt like “Life’s a bitch till you die!”

Managed to spend some quality time with mom and sis during the extended weekend in Bangkok, doing what stereotypical female does in Bangkok ~ SHOP!

Discovered blogging and that managed to keep my sanity going.

October – The Bad and The Good
Off to Kuching and KK we went for another two roadshows. Stole a weekend there and went island hopping with an old friend.

Suddenly I remembered that I was supposed to start on my dissertation again! I quickly wrote an email to the University for another Deadline Extension and promptly received a “heart attack” when they told me I had to submit in December. At that point, I have yet to find a supervisor and a topic. Suffice to say it was a hairy moment in my life. I had all but given up on completing the paper. Thank God for Mr Z. For the moment, a temporary reprieve. But honestly, I am still plagued with dissertation blues.

Introduced the Siau gang to trekking and I created monsters instead! But boy, did we have a good time!

November – The Good and The Bad
Spent the long Deepavali and Raya holidays in KL, hoping to get on with my dissertation. It was a slow, long, and agonising process ploughing through the wordy and dry research literatures. It’s slow getting started. Met up with my UNIM mates. Most of them have completed their dissertation and are ready to graduate. I had to sit through some horror stories about my supervisor. Oh woe is moi! : (

Half the time during the long hols, I was distracted by the Siau gang. Going for trekking la, makan la, mamak la, gym la … So much “quality” time together. I missed those days already.

Reality bites once again. Getting the company efficient and effective, right-sizing, whatever … Bottom line, someone got the chop. And the news is my portfolio will be expanded for next year to cover the Singapore business. So off to Singapore we went.

December – The Good hopefully … we shall see
A memorable 1st December with 7 break-ins at my condo. Then there was a car explosion just outside of my condo perimeters. Never a dull moment here it seems.

I had thought November would be the end of all that travelling. But oh no! Off to Singapore once again for a business handover meeting. Then it was to Genting for a final training to end the year.

Another image change over the Xmas Hols. I will never learn will I? But it's just a blardy hairdo. I hope everyone else will get over it so I can get on with my life! :p

Three more days to go and I am still chasing targets here. So near yet so far. Wish me luck!

As to my dissertation, this time I seriously wonder if I could whizz through yet another one. Is there such a thing as too much good luck in studies? I sure hope not. I need every ounce of luck and discipline to see this through.

And there goes 2005. I really do not want it to end just yet!