Anger Management

The slow burn of anger begins at the pit of the stomach. Like a wisp of smoke or mist, it slowly unfurls and grows until it seeps through every pore of your being. It grows and grows until you feel like exploding at the person or situation that causes you such ire!

How many times have you felt that in your life? For me, it is very rare. I am slow to anger but once I am angry, it’s best to get out of the way. Remember the famous phrase from The Incredible Hulk, “Don’t make me angry. You won’t like me when I am angry.” It is just as well that when I do get angry, I tend to walk away from a situation and allow myself time to cool down and put things into perspective. This is to prevent myself from doing anything rash that I would regret later.

It’s been a long while since I have last felt that burning anger but it happened on Tuesday. Since Monday, a friend has been sharing some of her frustrations. And as I listened to the events that unfolded, I grew angrier and angrier at her situation and at the person who had caused her so much grief. But I had to play my role ~ lend a listening ear and be a voice of reason. The problem is I know the person who treated her so unfairly and I have seen the way he operates. I know too that he is perfectly capable of treating people that way. Whilst the rational part of me was calming her down, the irrational part wanted to interfere so badly i.e. call up the person and point out his childishness and immaturity!

Like acid, I can feel anger “eating” at the pit of my stomach on Tuesday afternoon and no matter what I do at work, anger and frustration at her situation kept invading my thoughts. The fact that I am totally helpless in helping her cause kept my frustration growing. By evening, I can feel gastric building up and by the time I left the office, the feeling of frustration has reached my throat. I am not joking. I believe I might get physically ill if I don’t find a venue to vent out my frustrations. The few times that that happened, I had to let it go by talking to someone else and ranting out my frustrations and anger. The other thing I had done before was to hit squash balls at a wall. Believe you me, both methods are highly therapeutic and effective. Thank god my sister was the perfect therapist that evening. Thanks sis for listening to my angst!

Why not just let lose my anger, some might ask. Why do I exert so much control when the person do not even bother to do so himself? Firstly, it is not my battle to fight. Secondly, meddling in the affair would only make matters worse for my friend and me. Thirdly, I would not stoop to that level of handling things. Neither would my friend. Fourthly, if I read the person correctly, he would not even bother to say sorry because he would still believe he is right. And he will go on defensive mode.

I have dealt with characters like this before; i.e. folks who think they know everything and believe that they are always right. It is sad really for such people are usually highly intelligent and has so much potential. However if a person’s attitude is wrong, such intelligence and potential matters not in my book. Day by day, I am losing respect for the person. The point is, if a person is not open to feedback, no matter what anyone says, the person’s mind is close to your words and the person will just grow more and more defensive. Anything you do or say to the person is tantamount to hitting your head against a brick wall. At the end of the day, only you would lose out because you get angrier and more frustrated.

I’m glad I am over that anger. I am glad too to hear that my friend is also slowly letting go of her anger and frustrations. Anger management is such a delicate balance. But if we want to retain sanity in our lives, we have to learn to manage our anger and let go.