Recipe for Bonding

Cooking up a storm!

Peik Lean Y.

Let the "Bonding" begin .... :)

Peik Lean Y.

Ingredients:
A group of gym maniacs
A chef and his assistants
A tarot card reader
A measure of Vodka
4 measures of 7up
Red wine to finish off
A deck of tarot cards
Candles
Mood music ~ Dying Young soundtrack, Dreamcatcher album, Bond album, pre-recorded Body Balance music
A pot of Spaghetti
A bottle of Dolmio sauce
Chinese dumplings
Chicken, preferably minced
Potatoes, preferably mashed
Cabbage, carrots, tomato, and whatnots
A little jogging hill ~ Kiara Hill
A little trekking hill ~ Bukit Gasing

Preparation:
Step 1: Preparation and practice time ~ 1- 1.5 hours
Gather a group of gym maniacs.
Set a target to climb Mount Kinabalu via Mersilau Trail.
Organise a practice session up Kiara Hill jogging trail in the pm.
Let them walk and/or run up that little jogging hill.
* Caution: Be prepared for emergence of a little monster that might want to do extra time.

Step 2: Preparation time ~ 2 hours, Eating time ~ 2 hours
Arrange a potluck after the practice session.
Get the chef to start cooking the spaghetti and the Dolmio sauce with minced chicken (to be prepared earlier).
Get the chef’s assistants to prepare the salad and the mashed potato.
Steam the Chinese dumplings as fillers while waiting for the dinner to be cooked.
Get ready the cutleries and set the table.
Prepare several glasses of vodka 7up ~ 1 measure of vodka to 4 measures of 7up.
Serve dinner when ready.
* Caution: Ensure enough cooking utensils before cooking up a storm. Start early to avoid extreme hunger pangs.

Step 3: Preparation and execution time ~ 4 hours – infinity, Sleepover may be necessary
Turn on the mood music.
Dim the lights and light the candles.
Uncork the wine and serve several measures into wine glasses.
Wine served varies according to degree of alcohol tolerance.
Set the table and tarot card reader shall organise the cards.
Gym maniacs take turn to have “fortune” told.
Serve more wine for Dutch courage. : )
When all “fortunes” have been told, tarot card reader shall ask a single question.
Answer the question and let the discussion flow and grow.
* Caution: Discussion may get out of hand and beauty sleep may be sacrificed. Watch out for emergence of little monster again that will deprive everyone of sleep. :P

Step 4: Preparation and practice time ~ 1 – 1.5 hours; Eating time ~ 1 hour
Set alarm for 8.30 am.
Get the troops ready for the second practice session.
Drive to destination i.e. Bukit Gasing.
Start troops on the easy trail across the monkey bridge to the Watch Tower and back again.
Check inhalation and fitness levels along the way.
Drive to mamak stall after practice.
Order as per recommendation ~ tosai garing with chutney, banana leaf rice, etc.
* Caution: Be prepared for emergence of little monster 2.

** Now, repeat the above 4 steps for several months and phooeeyy, watch the results!

The recipe underwent its first UAT (User Acceptance Test) over the weekend. The results are off the charts! Most of the participants are ready, eager and waiting for Round 2. At this rate, by the time Mount Kinabalu trip arrives, the bond would be as sticky as the UHU or the elephant glue!

Remember that piano …

“Remember that piano, so delightful …” ~ lyrics from “I Love Chopin”

Finally, my piano of 20+ years has arrived. It has journeyed over 200 km from my hometown to Kuala Lumpur and it has cost me a hefty RM1,360 to get the piano repaired, transported and tuned. But it has been well worth it if today has been the judge of it!

It’s been years since I have tinkered on those beloved yet very much hated keys. Oh, how I have shed tears of joy and sorrow on those keys. And oh how I have shed blood over the practical exams that go with the territory. There were times when I hated the mere sight of that piano i.e. when friends were calling me to play but I had to stay in to practice the stupid “scales and arpeggios” for the exams. But there were times when it was my salvation ~ when I played a tune from Richard Clayderman’s collection and dreamt of myself running on a beach towards the ruggedly handsome Pat Cash ~ the former one time Wimbledon Tennis Open Champion which I had a major crush on. Oh well, those were the days.

I finally got my fingers on to the keyboard again today. And despite being rusty at it, I could still manage a simple tune or two. : ) My “sight reading” was not that bad considering I have not had to sight read for ages! OK, so the tune that came out wasn’t so melodious and smooth. And yes, I hit quite a few wrong notes as I keep forgetting to play the sharps and the flats. Ok … so what if the timing is off. That’s coz mom didn’t see fit to bring down the metronome. Alright, I have to confess, even with the metronome, I probably can’t keep time. And yeah, my fingers aren’t so flexible and dextrous on the “thrills” and “turns”. Alright, alright … I’ll have to admit I need a few months of practice before I actually sound decent enough to have an audience. :P

And if any of my neighbours are reading this, please bear with me for the next few months. I promise not to overly tax your hearing. But if the sounds from my unit get too jarring, just ring my doorbell. : )

Meanwhile, a piano playing I shall go … yeh yeh yeh!

Battle of the sexes or the wits?

I was running through some of my old writings today and came across this interesting exchange which I had with an ex-colleague a few years back. I remembered the fun I had writing it and thought to share this. Enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------------
Main characters:
Lord Clarance Sashi ~ denoted by the acronym Lord C
Lady Leanne ~ denoted by the acronym Lady L

End credit commentator:
Mun Keong Esq. ~ denoted by the acronym MK Esq.

Let the battle begin ...


Lord C:
No one can explain but try they can
How God created this marvel called "MAN"

Lady L:
Hear ye! Hear ye! Ye delusional Man
Lord praise be for thy creation of WOMAN

Lord C:
HE created man first with all his best
HE then made woman with what was left!

Lady L:
God created man first I am sure we all agree
HE then made woman and improve a zillion degrees

Lord C:
"Perfection," women say, "is hard to find"
But only if you look through womenkind

Lady L:
"Perfection" in men is certainly hard to find
But in abundance when it comes to womenkind

Lord C:
To be honest, perfection cannot be found
But the male species is the closest around

Lady L:
A broken record I do so hate to sound
But alas! delusional man, there are plenty around

Lord C:
Look at a man from head to toe
and then my dear, perfection you will know

Lady L:
O! Imperfect men, you ain't women's foe
We can't help it if our perfect visage simply glow

Lord C:
The visage of women do glow that I agree
But without make-up, no such glow you will see

Lady L:
Make-up is just the tip of what makes a woman glow
What matters is the inner beauty that really shows

Lord C:
Men explored the earth and civilised the land
and now you women enjoy the conquests of men

Lady L:
Violence and war, that's the way of men
Gentleness and faith, that's the soft touch of women

Lord C:
The soft touch of a woman sure does good
But only in terms of satisfying the manhood

Lady L:
Bedroom and boardroom, woman all "sapu"
Woe to the man who thinks he is being "ampu"

Lord C:
Man don't cry as GOD made them strong
To defend the weak and right the wrong

Lady L:
Tears do not weaken a woman
Apathy do not strengthen a man

Lord C:
Apathy and strength is never the same
Men do shed tears but never in vain

Lady L:
Ah ... I suddenly note a change in the breeze
Man finally admit to shedding tears, gee wheez!

Lord C:
He won't let emotions run his life
Cause that's the job GOD gave his wife!

Lady L:
Emotions does not mean the mind is ruled by the heart
It merely means the mind sees clearer with the heart

Lord C:
Emotional decisions can ruin ones mind
And is a common problem with womenkind!

Lady L:
Wonder why man do so fear emotions
Would he go insane, oh what a silly notion

Lord C:
He is MAN and that is what he will be
He will work hard to feed his family

Lady L:
She is WOMAN and that she shall stay
But it does not mean to Man she will always fall prey

Lord C:
She won't always fall prey but fall she will
She can't help herself for he is her world!

Lady L:
Gone are the days where Man rules the world
Alas! He is mistaken if he still believes he rules the world

Lord C:
Of the load he carries he will not complain
He'll carry it in silence and bear the pain

Lady L:
We ain't at war here, that's not the case
We can't help it if you fall for our face

Lord C:
Fall for her face, that's alright for a start
But a man truly falls after seeing her heart

Lady L:
Hmmm ... finally a wise statement from the MAN
Bet you it's all due to the touch of a WOMAN. :)

Lord C:
For the gift of man, you should thank GOD
For without him, I'm sure you would be bored

Lady L:
For the presence of Woman spices your life
Without which Man will find it difficult to thrive

Lord C:
Spice up our life, you truly wish
But too much spice makes you puke in a dish

Lady L:
Thus it takes a strong man to bear what she can dish
That's such a rarity but is what women wish!

Lord C:
So I would advise you to pray till your final hour
That you would get some of Man's wisdom and power.

Lady L:
If wisdom and power is so sought by Man
Think how far a woman's love can heel a man

Lord C:
Wisdom and power is not sought by man
It is bestowed as part of GOD's plan
So dear woman, let's just make things right
Adore your man for it's futile to fight.

Lady L:
Ahh .. GOD's divine plan for humankind
Is not about battles, is not about war
If you think this is a fight, you must be blind
Coz we women make love, not war!

MK Esq:
At the end of the day
Leanne and Sashi
Will get mushy
Proving once again, HE works in mysterious ways!

Dedicated to you, Mom

With you,
We walked with pleasure through our childhood path
We have certainly felt your wrath.

With you,
We learned that your anger showed that you care
Not that you were unfair.

With you,
We went through thick and thin
And definitely through sick and sin.

With you,
We learned to differentiate right from wrong
And to be always strong.

With you,
We took our very first step
Gained confidence and adapt.

With you,
We acquired knowledge and intelligence
We promise not to pay you with belligerence.

With you,
We feel special, happy and loved
Certainly we return that love.

Therefore mom,
You are not just all nor are you just one
You ARE our number One!

A Tribute to You, Dear Dad

Without your anger and punishment when we are bad,
Without your silent concern and worries when we are sad,
Without your joy and happiness when we have succeeded instead,
Without your understanding and encouragement when we've failed you dad.

Without your love and without you dear dad,
We would not be so happy, contented and well-fed,
To have you here with us makes us so very glad,
And we thank GOD each day for making you our dad.

What happened at Midnight?

Midnight strikes
Chatters delight
Target in sight
Take aim, focus, fire!

Target sought
Chatter caught
Ahh … the morning dawns
What happened at midnight?

Strangers or friends

Across the cluttered cyberspace they met
Drawn together by mere words across the net
Strangers with no faces, words with no sound
Only with thoughts and ideas, they are bound.

Minutes become hours, hours become days
They learn about each other in this funny place
They know virtually nothing, yet they know everything
Are they merely joking, or is this the real thing?

Is everything only virtual and surreal?
Is nothing exchanged true and real?
Is the fantasy a reality, or the reality a fantasy?
Strangers or friends, is the definition that easy?

A moment of temporary reprieve

Like “an Albatross round my neck”, my dissertation is back to haunt me. I tried early this month to extend the suspension period for my studies but to no avail. Due to a technicality in the Business School rule book, I had the carpet virtually jerked from beneath my feet last week when I received an email from the university giving me until 5th December to complete my dissertation. As I was in East Malaysia then, there was nothing I could do. I know though that there is no possible way I could accomplish that feat given the fact that I have yet to start reading the literatures for my dissertation.

My game plan yesterday was to meet with my lecturer and put my cards on the table. I have nothing to lose ~ either he allowed me the extension or I would have to suffer the bitter pill of just getting a Diploma instead of a Master. Of course, that would be very devastating as I have clocked in hundreds of hours for 12 modules of classes, assignments and exams, and is just short of a dissertation to graduate with a Masters. Fortunately, the “honesty is the best policy” phrase actually worked in this instance because I managed to get a temporary reprieve from my lecturer and the Business School Director. The due date for my dissertation is now set at end January. I have three months to accomplish what part-time students take six months to do.

I also found out an alternative route I could take which would eventually prove to be a second reprieve. Should I be unable to deliver the dissertation on time, I would have to “re sit” the dissertation. Of course there is a penalty attach to that. Basically, 50% of my marks will be deducted. I am now faced with a dilemma of doing a mediocre dissertation in three months and getting the full marks for that, or doing an excellent dissertation in nine months but only obtain 50% of my total marks. Not a “pretty” choice but a choice nonetheless!

Then again, I made my bed. Now, I have to sleep on it!

The road to perdition ...

“The road to perdition is paved with good intentions, bad judgement and terrible outcomes!” And that pretty much sums up what happened. It was a comedy of errors last evening. I saw myself going off in one direction trying to defend someone but the more I spoke, the worse it got. I tried to back-paddle but it only got worse.

Goes to show I am not as good at managing people as I thought. But goodness, I have dealt with so many varied personalities and characters in the last 4 years of my life that I should have been better able to handle any situations than how I did yesterday. Without getting into details, suffice to say I have put my foot in my mouth without having any thoughts going through that pea brain of mine. And I thought that I am maturing in the way I handle people. I reckon I have to go back to Managing People 101. Next time I should stop and think before I speak.

It was a long night of self castigation. And it doesn’t look any better in the bright light of day.

Words don’t come easy

I have always sucked at giving platitudes in times of sorrow. Probably because having been in the position of the person suffering a loss, I had preferred not to have platitudes thrown my way. Somehow, no matter the intention, there is a tendency that those words come out sounding awkward and false; instead of sympathetic. Besides, when people say those words to me, it would set off the water works and sometimes, I wonder if I cry because I am sad or ... Ok. Freud would have a fine time analysing my brain.

Just last week, my friend’s beloved dog was put to sleep. I did not know what to say, fearing that whatever I say was going to come out sounding clichéd. So, I sent her a text message and offered my sympathies and also a shoulder to cry on should she need one. I have not called her since but told her via SMS that I would catch up with her after she recovers from her grieve.

A few days ago, I found out that a former classmate gave birth to a stillborn baby. The foetus was still in the womb and barely seven months old when they couldn’t detect a heartbeat. It’s been two weeks since the incident and I heard that both husband and wife were pretty devastated. I knew they were both looking forward towards their second child. They have been trying for many years. Their eldest is now five years old. I was shocked because I met up with her just three months ago and she was glowing with health! I tried calling her yesterday but there was no reply. I have no idea what to say to her but … I am pretty sure it has hit her badly because she has not returned my missed calls (usually she is very prompt).

I am still clueless as to what to say to them. Words don’t come easy in situations like this.

Back to freedom, back to Gasing Hill

The hills are alive … with the sound of music …. Ok. Ok. I am exaggerating. But Gasing Hill has definitely been calling out to me for months now since my old buddies have temporary quit our weekly workout.

But yesterday, I was back at my beloved hill with a new trekking buddy in tow. And it was exhilarating. It beats any workout in the gym hands down. Here, we breathe in fresh air, not recycled ones. And I could actually feel my pores breathing again. : )

Like a child with an old beloved toy, we scrambled across the monkey bridge and started the short but steep ascent up the hill. We wasted precious seconds trudging and sliding through the muddy terrain. But reached the top we did in less than ten minutes. (We could have made it in less if the terra firma had been drier. Yup! That’s my “competitive spirit” speaking! So sue me! :p) From there on, the terrain flattened out before sloping downwards on a pretty steep descent. Luckily I had my trusty “Salomon” trekking boots and was quite nimble footed as I practically hopped, skipped and jumped my way downwards. My dear buddy was not as fortunate as he had on an old pair of sport shoes. He had to gingerly pick his way downwards; although it looked more like a slip and slide job. Hahaha ….

Up and down went the terrain. And on and on we went ~ sliding across some places, running freely across others, almost falling into a puddle of water at one instance but luckily my buddy managed to pull the brakes before he ran smack into me. It was truly exhilarating. I have not felt so free in a long while. Perhaps it is the outdoors unhampered by walls or air conditioning, or perhaps it’s the terrain that provides surprises along the trail every now and then. Or perhaps I am coming back to something old and familiar that is much loved. Whatever it is, I am a happy camper! It is a bonus that my new buddy could keep up with my pace and actually pressures me into pushing harder forward. We finished the trek in an hour; which was a much better timing than I did with any of my old buddies. And yes, my new buddy is “very” competitive! I can now look forward to exploring new trails and improving my timing on old ones.

My new buddy seems to have taken to the hills like a duck to water. In fact, he was raving about it the whole of last evening. Much as I loved Gasing Hill, I certainly hoped I have not created a monster in my new trekking buddy! :p

Gasing Hill ~ here’s to you and many more exhilarating weekly workouts!

When will “we” ever learn to take responsibility?

“Saved from the dump” ~ another case of baby dumping headlined the Sunday Star yesterday. A baby had been left for dead in a sports bag near the Tanjung Agas (Muar) dumping area yesterday, so reported the said paper. The newspaper further chronicled nine baby dumping cases since March this year. And this is just a few days short of the news about a poor German Shepherd being neglected to death by her owner in Subang Jaya. The NST on Wednesday October 18th further quoted at least 2,400 animal neglect cases are reported every year in Malaysia. The pity of it all is that the pet owner was only slapped with a RM100 fine under the Animal Ordinance which carries the maximum fine of only RM200 or six months jail or both. Something is definitely wrong with this law.

What is our society coming to? Where did we go wrong? Is life so worthless these days that the perpetrators could not even be bothered to hand their charges over to the respective authorities but instead, leave their children or pets for “DEAD”?! How can one take the responsibility of a life so lightly? It is absolutely criminal!

And to think a few of my childless friends have to go through hell to try to get a child and here you have people “killing” their own kids. Yes, “killing” is the right word. When you leave a baby in the dumpster, would you expect the baby to survive? The person who did that has as good as signed the death warrant of the child!

On another note, just yesterday, a good friend of mine had to put her beloved dog of more than 15 years to sleep due to old age and sickness. It was a very sad occasion. I knew how tough it was for her to make that decision and it took her a couple of months to do so. But in the Subang Jaya case, you have a healthy dog which was “left for dead” by the owner. And yes, “left for dead” is the right phrase to use. After all, when you leave your animal in the house for days without food and water, what do you expect … a hale and healthy dog running to greet you?

When we take a child or a pet into our home and hearts, we undertake the responsibility for that life. We are supposed to nurture and protect until they can stand on their own feet, and even then, we continue to nurture and protect in other ways. In return, we receive love; and in some cases as in our pets, it’s unconditional love. Do we then take that love and trample upon it? It is unthinkable to call it quits halfway through that cycle. But what is worse, is that instead of nurturing the child or pet, we seek to destroy. That is something I could never fathom. What happened to the milk of human kindness?

As much as I like kids and pets, I know that my current lifestyle would not be able to accommodate them unless I am willing to make that sacrifice. And that’s what we have to consider before we undertake such a responsibility. We must be willing to take that responsibility and make those sacrifices! We can’t just take it and leave it at our own whims and fancy. And when the going gets tough, we can’t just say, “Oops! Sorry, I made an error God. Here, I give you back the child!”

When will “we” ever learn to take responsibility?

Managing change or getting short changed?

Have you ever worked in a situation where you are battling mainstream mentality and work culture on a daily basis? Let me tell you now that it is an exercise in absolute futility. Imagine swimming upstream against a very strong current towards the source which is a massive waterfall. It is a no win situation no matter how you slice it.

A couple of years ago, I was employed in a local conglomerate. Having spent most of my life working in multinationals, it was a culture shock to say the least. But I was warned by my boss then of what to expect. He wanted me to be the “agent of change” and foolishly I agreed. Yeah … right! But you know how it is. You are new. You are eager. You are motivated. You want to change the world! … or rather the little corner of the world that you work in. Oh woe is me! I was fooled by my own naiveté, enthusiasm and arrogance. I was fooled into thinking I could change decades of entrenched work culture and mindsets that had wormed its way even up to the junior and middle management levels!

It was a struggle for me from day one. Folks left office at 5.30pm sharp. Morning tea and evening tea were a must in that work culture. I called a meeting for a product launch preparation which belonged to another manager, and he had the cheek to tell me that it was already 5.00pm and could we hold the meeting the next day. Things that could be done in a day took weeks to complete. Branch managers were suspicious of me; and because I was younger than them, I looked younger and I am a woman, a few of them could not be bothered to give me the time of day. When I worked late, they thought I was hankering for a promotion.

It was difficult to trust my staff when they arranged for sales calls and submitted their claims. Have you ever heard of sales guys arranging sales calls on extreme routes in one day? (In the business that we were in, there was no such thing as monthly or weekly fixed sales routes.) And this could go on for weeks if I do not reprimand them. For example, they would see a customer in Klang in the morning and then arrange to see another customer in Kepong in the afternoon. The next day, they would arrange to see a customer in Shah Alam and then one in Batu Caves. Any sales person worth his salt would arrange the Klang – Shah Alam route in one day and Kepong – Batu Caves route the next day. At least they would try to streamline the sales calls as much as possible. But a few of my staff did the former because they could make huge petrol claims as the company paid quite a hefty amount per kilometre travelled.

Can you imagine a company where employees could engineer their own inter department transfer without consulting their managers and HR actually allowed that to happen? Well, mine did! Even my boss could not stop them. Thinking back, it was quite funny during review time. With such mediocre performance, I gave them an average grade which to me was a mercy grade. I would have rated them below average or needs improvement in any other circumstances. But they rated themselves in the regions of very good to excellent. Their argument, they worked harder than other departments and those guys in other departments have gotten better grades than them. Therefore, I was being unfair.

Every time I hit an extreme low, I would talk to my boss and he would tell me that I should lower my expectations. I was hitting against brick walls after brick walls. Things just refused to budge at my pace or even at a few paces slower than mine. In the end, I actually adapted to their work culture in terms of expectations and results. But I knew that if I carried on in that situation, I would rot. There was hardly any learning and career development at my end. All I learnt was to handle a work culture that I never want to be a part of in the future. After two years plus, I threw in the towel. I could not see my future in such an organisation.

This experience taught me a valuable lesson. Unless you have strong support in middle and upper management to engineer change, you can forget about doing it on your own. Even with such strong support, changing decades of entrenched mindsets is a huge undertaking and there should be a change agent champion at every level of the command chain. Otherwise, being a sole change agent (with limited support from your immediate boss) in the face of massive mainstream mentality is an exercise in absolute futility. In the end, you hurt yourself more than you help the organisation.

Next time before you embark on such a venture, ask yourself if you are managing change or you are getting short changed!

Of communication, flaming remarks and resolving issues …

Have you ever been a party to flaming emails and inflammatory posts? Needless to say I have been a witness to one recently that sets me thinking of how counter-productive the entire thing is. Looking back, there have been many occasions that I have been a party to or bear witness to flaming emails and verbal “one–up-man ship” during meetings.

The verbal bit is nothing new as we see MPs (member of parliaments) engaging in such antics and drama often enough ~ some even to the extent of physical abuse. Read the news of the Taiwan parliamentary sittings and proceedings and you would know what I mean. Not that I agree to such a passionate and public display of sentiment but I understand that when it comes to verbal communication, passions run high and hot, and usually one does not have the time (nor the inclination) to think through and reflect before one reacts. The end result is a “free for all” verbal abuse that could escalate to physical violence. That’s the one major failure of verbal communication. People act or say things on impulse and according to emotion, thus they do not think through before they shoot their mouth off.

But written display of inflammatory remarks, attack and counter attack, is that necessary? Or should the blame be put squarely on the technology or the devices that facilitate instant feedback and reply, thus rendering that mode of communication and discussion into a verbal platform. I used to think that written communication allows a person to cool down and organise his thoughts before making a response.

But not anymore if what I recently witnessed is used as an example. And yes, I lay part of the blame on technology. As the turnaround time for the other party to read and reply is almost instantaneous, this type of written communication is tantamount to verbal conversation. As such, the amount of care in the choice of words used is very much reduced. What makes it worse is that all the nuances of body language in the art of verbal communication are missing in this new form of communication, which could have softened the tone of a message somewhat. This increases the potential of the message being misunderstood.

But that’s neither here nor there. I believe the bulk of the blame still lies with the participants of such meetings and forums. Whilst I understand that derogatory remarks need to be dealt with, there should also be a sense check to ensure that we do not get overly sensitive and spent too much time in rebutting such remarks. Inflammatory remarks, whether verbal or written, usually divert the attention of the participants from the issue at hand. All too often the real issues get buried under defensive arguments and egos that demand satisfaction. And sadly, after a lengthy discourse which waste precious meeting time, limited server space or dwindling bandwidth, the real issues are usually none the closer to being resolved.

Thus, the next time when we are faced with such a situation, perhaps we should pause and ask ourselves, “Are we focussing on resolving the issues?”

Blogging is ...

Since I started blogging; and blogging regularly at that, I have been asked many times the amount of time I spent writing a post. Many thought that I could produce a post within a matter of minutes and at the drop of a hat. The truth is, conceiving a subject matter to write is simple (as I do have a lot of ideas running through my head at one point or another, and I have a lot to say) but putting it across is a lot more difficult. I do not want to end up with a “written diarrhoea” (as opposed to a verbal one). :p

It takes time to focus my thoughts and build my case, and then refine it into interesting reading. I try to choose my words with care. It is important to remain objective but if I am unable to be objective, then it is important for me to convey my point of view by building a logical case. Hopefully, I have been successful thus far. : ) The whole objective of writing something is to get the point across in a lively and interesting manner without bogging down into too much details and become overly verbose; which I think I am on the verge of doing now! :p

Well, that’s how I create my blog. It is really no rocket science. And of course, the whisperings of a muse in the wee hours of the morning helps! : ) So, why not jump on the blogwagon dear friends? It is a lot of fun! Besides, it is a therapeutic way of working off some of your frustrations and angst. Ha ha ha ….

Welcome aboard!

Know thyself

Quizzes anyone?

I am a real sucker for quizzes especially when they are supposed to reveal what sort of person you are! Not that I believe everything the results yield but I am interested to see how the quizzes are set and how characteristics/ categories can be derived from them. I was reading a neighbour’s blog today and was drawn to do the following . Note the results it yielded. Interesting to say the least … : ) You might want to try it yourself.

(http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourhiddentalentquiz/)
Your Hidden Talent
You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!
(Leanne say: Wow! Never knew that leh.)

(http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyouridealrelationshipquiz/)
Your Ideal Relationship is …. Polyamory
You want to have your cake... and everyone else's.
Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too!
You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship.
You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.
(Leanne say: Double wow! By the way, what is polyamory eh? Poly equals many, amor means love ~ many loves ar?)

polyamory n. participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships
Source: Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English, Preview Edition (v 0.9.6)
(Leanne say: Wow! Lagi "keng"!!!)

(http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourbloggingpersonalityquiz/)
Your Blogging Type is … Confident and Insightful
You've got a ton of brain power, and you leverage it into brilliant blog.
Both creative and logical, you come up with amazing ideas and insights.
A total perfectionist, you find yourself revising and rewriting posts a lot of the time.
You blog for yourself - and you don't care how popular (or unpopular) your blog is!
(Leanne say: Triple wow! You learn new things about yourself every day eh?! Flattery will get you everywhere, everytime! :P )

(http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/)
Your Birthdate: January 30
Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness.
You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable.
You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words.
You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic.
You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller.
Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue.
There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work.
You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.
(Leanne say: Um … I am flattered beyond words. Hahahaha … )

I was testing out these quizzes by putting in different answers. One thing for sure, there is never really anything absolutely negative said about any specific characteristics. Guess these quizzes abide by the rules that people only want to hear good things about themselves! : ) Any truth in them? Some are pure blarney of course! And others ... *shrugs* ... perhaps the questions do reflect more intellectual thoughts ... your guess is as good as mine though as to the accuracy and authenticity of them. However, any similarity to reality are most likely coincidences and of course, the fact that we want to believe what we read especially if they are flattering ones. Hahaha …

If you are truly interested in understanding your personality, you might want to check out MBTI. Earlier this year, as part of understanding team dynamics, I had the occasion to attend the Myer Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) training. We did a lengthy test answering numerous close ended questions. I think it was about 50-60 questions in all. The results it yielded was extremely interesting. And quite similar to the readings I received several years ago when I did the same test. Running through the questions, you would notice that there are many that cross check against earlier questions (which is very unlike the above). In any case, I neither have the expertise nor the depth of understanding to further explain the details in this post. Should you be interested, you might want to check out the following website: www.mbti.com

Do I believe in the results? Suffice to say that it hits close to home. The good thing about this is that you are more aware of your personality traits. There’s no right or wrong, good or bad traits. They are just ~ our strengths and weaknesses. And being more aware of them, we can then consciously augment the positive traits and mute the negative ones. Personally, I believe that no matter how much we want to hide or put a brave “face” to the world, it is very important we know and is aware of who we are and not live in denial. In short, lie to the world if you must but never lie to yourself. You are what you are. Only when you know and understand yourself, can you then improve upon that and deal more effective with other personality types.

Personality tests anyone? : )

Secret Garden

Lush, rich, full-bodied and passionate music ... this is a keeper!



Anyone into world music?

I discovered this group, Secret Garden, several years ago. Check out their album Dreamcatcher and Earthsongs. I love most of the songs in the Dreamcatcher album but my favourite is the “Song from Secret Garden” track. The collection of songs in that album is very soothing and great to wind down after a stressful day. The music arrangement is pretty simple but it’s the beauty in that simplicity that I find so refreshing.

In the words of the Amazon.com reviewer, Leslie R. Marini, on the Dreamcatcher album, “…Lush, rich, full-bodied, and passionate, Secret Garden stands eye-to-eye with other successful Celtic/world-music hybrids such as Loreena McKennitt and Clannad. Highlighted by the ethereal vocal styling of Gunnhild Tvinnereim ("Nocturne") and the tender laments of Karen Matheson ("Prayer"), Secret Garden weaves a mystical tapestry of classic Oriental notes, Irish flutes, deep bodhran, and bold violins. With the crystalline quality of pure water, Secret Garden descends over one's spirit in a tranquil waterfall of renewal, as demonstrated in "Sigma" and "Songs from a Secret Garden." "Elan," which originally appeared on the album Dawn of a New Century, reflects the fire that burns at the heart of Secret Garden. The song soars with a wild, sea-swept energy, a true soundscape of white-sand beach and blue sky. A bonus cut, "Last Present," closes out Dreamcatcher with a simple, balanced melody--poised and inspiring.”

Earthsongs is a recent discovery. I just fell in love with “Sometimes When It Rains” (the first track) the first time I heard it. The rest of the album is ok but not as good as Dreamcatcher.

So, grab a glass of wine, dim the lights, relax on your sofa with your legs up and enjoy the beautiful music from Secret Garden.

P.S. In case there are Secret Garden fans out there, let me know should you have the music notes to the songs. Would love to get my hands on them. : )

Sun, Sea, Sand … the three S

Bask in the tropical sun, the turquoise waters and the white sandy beaches of Sapi, Manukan and Mamutik islands.

Peik Lean Y.

Sun, sea and sand ... all you can find at Tunku Abdul Rahman Park.

Peik Lean Y.

My time in Kota Kinabalu was pretty short and as such, we went for just a day trip to the three islands i.e. Sapi, Manukan and Mamutik at Tunku Abdul Rahman Park to bask in the tropical sun, the turquoise sea and the white, sandy beaches. Luckily for us, it was a gorgeous day for island hopping and snorkelling. The sun was shining, the sea was relatively calm and the colourful fishes were all out to play on this fine Saturday morning.

Mamutik offered the best snorkelling that day as the corals were closest to the beach. My only concern was the destruction to the corals as the water was so shallow. We practically had to brace ourselves while snorkelling. At least I did. The corals were practically in our faces and the fishes were swimming very close to our line of vision!

We managed to observe quite a few varieties of fishes amongst which were the parrot fishes of varied rainbow colours, the porcupinefish (I thought it was a “puffer” at first until we checked the “fish list”), the little clown fish (yup … there are plenty of little Nemos around swimming in between the “fingers” of the corals), the angel fish (many varieties of those too i.e. all in black, black and white stripes, etc.) and other pale looking fishes which I couldn’t identify. The whole experience brought back an urge to dive again. Guess I would seriously have to consider taking that refresher course after all!

The accommodation at Manukan looked so enticing that we decided that we have to come back one day to stay over and just beach bum and snorkel. We were told that some of the 4-person chalets were going at RM240 per night. Food there is pretty decent too and at reasonable prices. We had lunch for 2 at RM30 ~ 4 dishes altogether including stir-fried cauliflower and carrot, kai lan garlic, a fish dish and a squid dish.

Ok, before I put anyone to sleep, just wanted to say that if you don’t have much time to spend in KK, chilling out in one of the islands in Tunku Abdul Rahman Park is quite worth it. The 3 S here is definitely worth a weekend getaway especially to Sabahans or those who happen to drop by at KK for work.

Are you materialistic?

To answer the question on "being materialistic", my first inclination was to say No I am not materialistic. Then I thought it really depends on what we define as "materialistic". According to my trusted old Oxford dictionary, "materialism" means "tendency to prefer material possessions and physical comfort to spiritual values".

Hmmm ... I ain't a spiritual person and I do enjoy physical comfort and, to some extend, material possessions. So, sadly, the answer has to be Yes I am materialistic. In fact, if this definition goes, 99% of the world population is materialistic (unless you are nuns or monks). :P Ok. OK .. I am arguing semantics here which my lecturer used to get quite irritated with me. But I do so enjoy tweaking his nose then although I suspect he secretly loves to be tweaked! Hahaha ... Alrighty, that’s neither here nor there. So back to the topic at hand.

Since we have established that 99% of the world population is materialistic, then let's talk about degree of materialism instead. How materialistic are you? I enjoy having the good things in life but I can live without them and still be happy. :) I am not much into designer labels or keeping up with the Joneses. For example, I am not into Rolexes ... I don't even know how the range of models look like. One classic or designer watch looks very much like the next to me. Therefore, the thought of paying such a huge some of money for a watch, whose main function is to tell time, seems well, quite ridiculous! :p My friends talk about owning LV designer handbags and whatever other designer labels. I can't tell an imitation from the real thing. In any case, they all look ugly to me. Hahaha ...

My purchase of "branded" products are probably those technical/ electrical ones because I am too lazy to find out more information about the stuff and rather depend on a trusted person's advice or a trusted brand name i.e. buying panasonic compared to pensonic, etc. :P In actual fact, I am a marketeer's nightmare consumer! If women wise up to all the marketing gimmicks, I'd be out of a job. Thank god for small mercies ... and gullible folks ... ;) Hahaha ... just kidding!

My one true weakness is travelling. I think I can give up owning a property or a car in lieu of travelling somewhere. In fact, I did just that in my younger days. (Oh dear ... feels so old now. :P) Mom used to complain that I fritter away my money on travels instead of investing in property. I told her different people have different priorities in life. “Different strokes for different folks.” For me, knowledge are treasures none can steal. :)

Bottom line, life is not about money, assets and gold … although many would disagree. We can't take our properties or gold bullions to the grave. Someone once wrote it's not how long you live but HOW you live that "dash". (Meaning that if on my tombstone it's written "1910 - 2000", what's important is that dash "-"!)

Therefore it is not a matter of how materialistic you are but how you view and handle materialism. Am I making sense?

How I got really hooked on camping and jungle trekking

I used to do a lot of camping and jungle trekking. In fact, one of my most memorable experience was our millennium celebration at Belum Jungle in north Perak. Armageddon theories were abound then and we decided that, if anything were to happen, we would greet our Maker surrounded by nature. (Not that we believe death was around the corner.)

A few things from the trip still remain vivid in my memory. One, I really reALLY REALLY hate leeches. I received the second highest leech bite in the group and was nicknamed Leechy Leanne. :p It’s funny now but then it was a nightmare trek because the leeches were just everywhere, at every single spot, hanging from tree branches to tree leaves and all over the ground. No amount of salt or tobacco could stop them. It was an endless colony of leeches. And yeah, we built a pyre and burnt them … burnt them all to death. How un-Buddhist of me! :p The moment I closed my eyes in the tent, all I could see were leeches in my mind and all I could feel were them sucking the lifeblood from my body. It was really that bad. The trek was practically in a virgin jungle as few people go there and it was frequented by animals (which explained why there were so many leeches).

We were guided by two Orang Asli carrying rifles and parangs. In fact, one claimed to have shot dead a cobra. (Yup! We heard the sound of a rifle going off.) And another actually shot dead a Seladang and fed us smoked Seladang for dinner. (It tasted like beef jerky .. not my favourite food since I always associate beef jerky with dog snacks! :P) I wasn’t sure if that was legal but my friends assured me that the Orang Asli was allowed to do so. The really cool part of it was actually hearing the sound of a wild boar trudging just within metres from us. I didn’t realise how close it was until one of the guides told us much later.

The icing on the cake was really drinking sparkling wine in cups made from bamboo (the guides made that for us) and cheering to the new millennium in the jungle; with cricket sounds and whispering breeze that was like an orchestra to the ears. The funniest bit of that was all our watches did not synchronize and thus, we were unable to tell the exact time. So, we drank to the millennium every other minute until the last watch showed midnight and there was not a single drop of wine left in the bottles! Now THAT is what I called a terrific millennium celebration unmatched by any wild, drinking parties. : )

One would have thought that I would have given up on camping and trekking after such a hair-rising experience with the leeches. But that proved to be a beginning of sorts and as we have established in an earlier post, I am a masochist after all. :P

I leave you with the quote from Dead Poet’s Society yet again since this is soooo appropriate!

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived." Henry David Thoreau quotes (American essayist, poet and philosopher, 1817-1862)

Fidelity ~ a matter of opinion and definition

And so Wrote the Male:
Ah, fidelity....the term that means different things to men and women...or at least different nuances. Men are from Mars....and are physiologically built to hunt. The only thing that allows a man to keep his libido strong is variety. The only thing that ensures survival of the species is variety. Darwin's theory of evolution. The male of every species has the urge to sow his seeds far and wide. Those that don't are condemned to extinction.

The desire for sex will always cause a man to "stray" - not necessarily in having affairs, but at least in going to massage parlours and ensuring the health of the world's oldest profession. So a man could have a very healthy relationship with his wife but he will still need relief elsewhere....by paying for it. I have many, many friends, who claim that they are very faithful to their wives, but they would nevertheless go to the spa and have their urges taken care of. To most women, this is infidelity...

Men promise love to get sex, women promise sex to get love.....what a world we live in !!!


And so Replied the Female:
Men can justify themselves out of anything, even infidelity (i.e. an affair or paid, emotionless sex). All this while I thought Darwin's Theory of Evolution is about the survival of the fittest through a process known as "natural selection". And isn’t that about genetic mutations ... not variety? :)

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. And therefore, it's the nature of the beast that makes men unable to control their desires, or so you wrote. Yet, isn't that why humankind is endowed with a mind that, among others, allows them to control themselves? Do we act on our every "desire" or "want"? Certainly not. Thus, it means that we are able to control our actions. Therefore, do not blame the nature of men but one's personal lack of self control for your actions. Sure, variety is the spice of life. If you want to fuck around, don’t make promises. And if you make promises, don’t fuck around. It’s a very simple rule.

Yeah, love and sex are like commodities and work like a clockwork in the world of economics. Where there is demand, there is supply; and vice versa. And as you so aptly put, "Men promise love to get sex, women promise sex to get love." I will add one more to that collection of quotes, "Men pay good money for beauty and youth. Women sacrifice beauty and youth for good money." And yes, that's the world we live in ... unfortunately.

But the choice is ours ... isn't it?

Quote:
"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
~ JK Rowling (English writer, author of Harry Potter)

Dissertation blues ...

Oh why do I deviate?
Oh why do I procrastinate?
Oh why can’t I just get on with the darn thing!

After three years of studies
And tens of thousands in fees
Oh why can’t I just get on with the darn thing!

At first it was the travelling
Then came the (condo) renovating
That was why I can’t get on with the darn thing!

But the dust has now settled
The travelling has all but dwindled
Yet, I still can’t get on with the darn thing!

It’s close to six months of delay
I’ve asked for another two months from today
But still I can’t get on with the darn thing!

I have finally chosen a supervisor
Discussed some topics but yet none the wiser
Oh, I just want to get on with the darn thing!

Nothing too complicated
I just need to get motivated
So, please help me get on with the darn thing!

Please help me not to deviate
Please help me not to procrastinate
Oh please, please, just help me get on with the darn thing!

(NB: Signs of a desperate student! 8P )

What is the meaning of life?

Why is everyone these days
busy doing something?
busy going somewhere?
hurrying to be or to find somebody?

Does this mean that
if they have something?
if they are or have somebody?
then they have meaning in life?

Why can’t anyone
try doing nothing?
try being nobody?
try going nowhere?

Does this mean that
they are nothing?
they are nobody?
there is no meaning to life?

Strange isn’t it that
we have to have something,
we have to be or have somebody,
before there is a meaning to life.

Next time try doing nothing
try being nobody
try going nowhere
and yet find a meaning to life!

(NB: That's it! Signs of a derange mind! :P)

“Growing up” within 8 hours …

The phone rang whilst we were leaving Senai Airport for JB city. It was about 7 pm on a Friday evening.

“Bad news. One of the cars going to the roadshow venue has just met with an accident. The driver is ok, two of the passengers suffered minor injuries but the third passenger looked bad. We don’t know her condition yet.”

That was a defining moment in my life. I felt that I started “growing up” from the moment I received that call. We were in JB for an event that would run over the weekend. Nothing had prepared me for that moment. I was the most senior ranking officer there and I had to take charge. The weight of responsibility fell heavily upon my shoulders that night. Deep inside, I was a bundle of nerves and truth be told, I was scared shitless!

One of the cars driven by the event management team crashed into an oncoming car, which was travelling at the wrong direction against the traffic. Both drivers managed to swerve in time to avoid a head on collision but the brunt of the collision was on the front passenger side of both cars. As fate would have it, the other car (who was in the wrong) had no passengers and the driver escaped with minor injuries. But our girl sitting in the front passenger seat was quite seriously injured. The two back passengers suffered minor injuries and the driver was unharmed but in shock. She repeatedly asked where she was and wanted to know if she was the driver. I worried that she suffered amnesia but was relieved when she remembered my name. I was told later that she suffered memory loss of the accident itself; which was normal according to the doctor.

From then on, it was a waiting game. It was really frustrating trying to get answers from anyone at the hospital. No one knows anything! First we couldn’t find the three injured girls. And when we found out where they were, we were not allowed to see them. We waited but my patience was wearing thin and my worry was increasing by the minute. I finally managed to get into the examination area and found two of the girls within minutes. Both were in separate waiting areas. They looked ok except for some lacerations here and there. However, both were on wheelchairs and could not walk.

The older lady was calm and looked able to handle herself, whilst the younger one was in tears when she saw me. She just needed reassurance that everything was ok and that she could continue going to her dancing classes the following week. No one was providing her any information. It was appalling the way the hospital staff kept the patients in the dark about what was going on. Either they did not know or they could not be bothered to inform them. In any case, we were finally told that they could be discharged that night. The Project Manager of the event helped with the discharge procedures and we managed to get one of the team members to stay with the younger girl whilst I continued looking for the third girl.

I finally found her lying on her back. I was told that her backbone had been injured and she had to stay the night at the hospital. By then, we suspected that she had fractured her backbone but had no idea how bad that was. She is one tough cookie! Despite her pain (and it must have been crucial then), she was very calm and rational. She just needed to know what was going on and whether she could walk again. I was clueless. By then, I realised that prying any information out of the orderlies and nurses was an exercise in futility. They must have been trained by the CIA or the FBI and was probably told that information must not be released, not even upon death threats!

It must have been all of four hours since her admission to the hospital, but finally she was wheeled to the ward. That’s the other thing I discovered about the hospital. There was absolutely no sense of urgency. I tried to speak to a doctor regarding her condition. I too needed reassurance. After hounding the nurses for more than half an hour, one trainee doctor finally made an appearance. Speaking to her required another bout of patience as she was unable to convince me that the girl’s condition was ok. I insisted I wanted to see the specialist but was told that the specialist was on call and would only come after 10pm but she could not say if it would be 11pm, midnight or the early morning.

Another bout of waiting ensued. Meanwhile my handphone was ringing “off the hook”. The head of the event management company, T, was driving down to handle this situation. That was a welcome relief. My colleague, who was overseeing the event set-up, wanted to know what was happening. My colleagues in KL were trying to provide me information on private specialist centres and give me moral support on how to handle the hospital authorities. And the worst of it all, I had worried parents on the line, trying to get reassurance from me that their daughter would be ok.

By then, I realised that there was no way I would leave the girl alone overnight in that ward. The condition was terrible and the place was eerie. It reminded me of those Chinese horror flicks. Also, the attitude of the staff left much to be desired. I spoke to T again and we both agreed that we needed to move her to the specialist centre as soon as possible. However, there were protocols to follow before we could move her as any error in judgement could very well paralyse her for life.

We needed the hospital specialist or doctor to ok her release before the specialist centre could make the transfer. But the specialist never showed up. The trainee doctor dared not sign the release form and told me to wait till morning to transfer the girl. My patience was hanging by a thread then. Luckily, T finally made an appearance a little after midnight. He had driven down all the way from KL. By then, I have been holding the fort for more than 6 hours and was really drained trying to deal with so many immovable objects. It was a relief to be able to share the burden. The girl’s sister and boyfriend had also arrived from KL then and were kept in the loop of things.

Again, we spoke to the trainee doctor and insisted that someone of knowledge and authority sign the release form. She finally found a more senior GP who seemed more knowledgeable and was willing to sign the release form. Although I would have much preferred the hospital specialist to do so, I realised that beggars can’t be choosers. Finally at about 2+am, we managed to get the girl transferred to a private specialist centre. She was immediately attended to and had her x ray taken. We waited and spoke to the specialist regarding her condition. We were told that nothing much could be done that night but that she needed surgery. Both T and I returned to the hotel at about 3+ am. I was in a much better frame of mind then.

The next two days were a piece of cake compared to the first eight hours at the hospital. It was now a matter of getting the procedures underway. My heart went out to the girl and I prayed hard for a successful surgery. She was after all in her early 20s. The specialist assured us that this was a normal surgery and the chances of success is very high. A day later, after 6 hours of surgery, we were told that it had been a success. The last I heard of her was that she was already walking. The other three girls are also thriving and I met up with two of them again. I am so glad that everything turned out well.

I have “aged” more than 10 years during this experience (figuratively speaking). This was even worse than my accident in New Zealand in which I could not walk. At least then, I had only myself to think of. Here, I had the well being of four ladies to consider and the morale of the other team members to handle. (They were looking at me for direction.)

It is a sobering thought when the weight of so many falls upon your shoulders. “Growing up is really hard to do ….,” isn’t it?

Yet another disaster … so ???

We can’t turn on the TV or flip the newspaper without reading about yet another disaster these days. The earth is like a smouldering cauldron of tension lines, be it at the crust of the earth or the living specimens that she supports, just waiting to erupt and bring untold damage to property and life.

But is that the worse of it? Or has the recent past events numb us to the sufferings and pain of others? How much damage to the soul has this done? How much do WE feel this time for the victims of the quake in Pakistan? Do we notice a lack of people coming forward to offer assistance? Or have the people of the world become so blasé with all the disasters that has befallen the world population in such a short period of time that we could just close an eye to the event and get on with life?

Is this how people in a war torn country feel? Do they feel a sense of helplessness and hopelessness as events around them unfold at a rate and magnitude beyond their control and comprehension? Thus, they just trudge on with life, waiting for the final axe to fall?

This is going to be a frustrating piece of reading. I have no answers. Merely questions.

Do you know where you’re going to?

Do you know where you're going to
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to
Do you know?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for
Do you know?

~ Mariah Carey's "Do you know where you're going to?"

I had a conversation with a friend recently who is going through some confusing moments in his career and life. Strangely enough, I have been through a similar state myself in recent years … perhaps even worse than his. But ultimately I came through that with piece of mind and a lot more clarity than I started out. I would like to share my musings then and hope that this helps. I suppose some things are easier “said” on paper (or in this case in a blog), than spoken verbally.

Good luck my friend!

--------------------------------------------

Pre-mature midlife crisis

One would have thought that at age 29 I am too young to have a mid-life crisis. And if it did happen, it would have happened to anyone but me! I was so wrong! I guess it can ambush anyone at any age.

Mine started very subtly. First, it was dissatisfaction with my job and my career. After working my butt out for 5 years, I did not exactly like the direction my career was taking (although I suppose I was doing quite well among my peers) nor did I enjoy the hours that I was spending at work. (And yes! To those who have worked for 20-odd years … I salute you!) Working 12-hour days and mostly 7-day weeks, I began to see that I am wasting my youth away on a job that I do not enjoy. No time for family, no time for friends!

Then, dissatisfaction with my social life and love life set in. Why? Because they amounted to practically zero … mostly due to the vicious work cycle I mentioned earlier. Besides, my good friends were getting married one by one and we were growing apart.

I started to lose self-confidence and began cultivating self-doubt. And this is the worst thing ever to happen to me. Why? Because I am the confident sort. If you want to call me names, a know-it-all would have suited me just fine. I used to be someone who knew exactly what I wanted and believed that I can change my destiny. Therefore, it behooved me to face my own worst enemy ~ self-doubt. Oh … how the mighty have fallen!

Ah … but self-doubt is just the tip of the iceberg. Then comes self-pity, a totally useless emotion that will spiral a person downwards and if not taken seriously, will lead to depression. I was lucky not to have succumbed to that nightmarish beast for long.

Allow me to digress here. We live in a society that holds so much expectation of the young. Wealth, status, fame … the ultimate goals in life that are drummed into our heads since young. Conformity and expectations have long since been the name of the game. And success in life is measured by who you are and what you own; not how happy you are. As you can see, it is not an easy world we live in.

The first step I took was to question myself honestly. That if I was to strip away all expectations from society and I (for we are all ultimately influenced by society no matter how much we deny that), then who am I and what do I want. The journey has been a long and arduous one. And I must confess I am not out of the woods yet.

The point is we all have different priorities in life. And these priorities change at different stages in our life. At some point, we might have doubts and not know what we want. And that is fine. The important thing to know is that there is always a way out of that abyss of self-pity. All we need do is to look deeper within ourselves. We have to be true to ourselves. And then we must be ready to make the changes and accept the consequences. It has been a journey of self-discovery for me. And for better or for worse, I have no regrets. And though I am not euphoric, I am at peace with myself.

To all of you out there who is going through this phase in life, it is not the end of the world nor is it silly or stupid to be knee deep in “mid-life crisis”. Just remember that life is full of options and surprises. All we need is the courage to take it on. And I, for one who has gone through it, have not only survived but also thrived!

Take heart!

What price honour?

“Biar putih tulang, jangan putih mata.”
“Death before dishonour.”

Those are familiar quotes but do you not feel that in this time and age, such quotes are becoming meaningless? Or am I being cynical?

What price honour? That has become a more valid question instead. How much do you think your honour costs? How far would you go before you cross that line?

A couple of years back, when I still live in hope that honour and integrity exist in this world, I was shocked to discover among my friends, that given the right price, honour and integrity can become easily tradable commodities. It was a disturbing thought but it made me reflect ... and the conclusion (?), you be the judge.

My friends and I had a heated discussion about under table money and how prevalent it is in society. One friend said that the opportunity is aplenty in the banking line and the temptation is too great sometimes. And he went on to say, given the right price, he might take the under table money. I was totally speechless for awhile and clearly voiced my disappointment and disapproval at his integrity or lack thereof; perhaps because I knew these guys since university days and I thought or expected that their values of honour and integrity are similar to mine. What a lofty and arrogant thought then … as if I was infallible and my standards are so bloody high. It was safe to say that the conversation did not end on a good note.

Then on another occasion, I was discussing the concept of “sinning” with a Christian friend and she told me that, a sin is a sin. There is no such thing as a big sin or a small sin. Now, you might ask where I am going with this line of thought. Bear with me for a moment. Let’s be honest with ourselves, have we not paid “bribes” in our entire life? Small “bribes” for little traffic offences perhaps or to pass our driving test or ….

Now, put the thought of bribes and under table money together and apply it to the concept of sinning, where does that leave us with our integrity and honour? Not a very comfortable thought, is it? I am not saying I condone taking or giving under table money. What I am saying is that people who live in glass houses should not cast the first stone.

A friend once told me that two wrongs do not make a right. While I agree with him in principle, … it also brought to mind a movie that I watched. It’s about a prosecutor trying to bring to justice a dangerous criminal who had murdered many times but always managed to escape due to a loophole in the system. Finally, he was caught but for a crime he did not commit. Ironically, witnesses have placed him at the crime scene and he was implicated and sentenced to death. While the prosecutor knew this, he went ahead and prosecuted. Many would agree that the prosecutor did the right thing. After all, this guy was a murderer. But the fact remains that he did not commit this crime. Thus, in the matter of integrity, the prosecutor failed to dispense his duty with honour. Under such circumstances, does two wrongs (or more) make a right? What’s your verdict?

Unfortunately, we do not live in a world of black and white. We deal with shades of grey in our every day life. What seems wrong to you and me might seem right to another. The question is how far do we go before we compromise our honour and integrity? Unfortunately there is no hard and fast rule. And I have no answer to that. To me, it’s quite simple. The day I wake up and hate what I see in the mirror, is the day that I have crossed the line. Then again, people without conscience might not even “look” at the mirror. It’s all very subjective isn’t it? Who says life is easy?

So, what price your honour?

Face in the mirror

In the world of corporate politics, putting up facades is the norm and sincerity is a rarity. It is worse when you are caught in this vortex. Sometimes it feels like there is no way out unless you play the game. But the game is so alien to your nature that you feel ill-fitted to even make the attempt. So you coast along the tide, never knowing exactly where you stand but knowing that you are threading on precarious grounds. At any time you could crash and get washed out.

Yet, what you don't realise is that even threading on middle ground is sapping away your principles and confidence. You compromise your values and your beliefs. You keep your mouth shut, thinking that discretion is the better part of valour. Soon, you become a shadow of your former self. You become what you never want to be - that little mouse hovering in the corner, afraid to speak up lest you get trampled on.

Then one day, you realise that the face in the mirror has become someone else. Someone you don't quite like, someone you could never admire, someone you could never live with. Then you ask yourself if this is worth it. What have you sold off to gain that face in the mirror ...

Sunrise Sunset Revisited

Now this is a sight for sore eyes. An Acacia tree caught in the early morning streaks of the rising sun. This was taken last year.

Peik Lean Y.

Venice - of gondolas, venetian glass, leather goods ... and gorgeous sunsets.

Peik Lean Y.

As usual, we got up really early during the safari trip in Southern Africa (2002) to observe animals at the water holes. The sunrise are absolutely fabulous!

Peik Lean Y.

Another sunset. Caught this at a little Mediterranean fishing village called Piran by the Adriatic Sea. The place was absolutely fabulous.

Peik Lean Y.

A day of extremes ...

I think I overdid everything today. What a way to start off my weekend. Had a friend over at my place Friday night and we watched DVDs until the wee hours.

Got up at 10+ am, headed for a light brunch … then off to the gym. Had a challenge with the same friend and we went through pump, rpm (although I left after half an hour) and ended up with Raymond’s combat class. Since I have not done pump and rpm in eons and never done Raymond’s combat in yonks either, it is quite understandable that I am in pain from the neck down. (That’s the reason, not an excuse! :p )

Next, rushed off to my beautician for a facial, which took almost two hours ~ had to do major repairs since my last visit was like 7 months ago. :D Due to the lack of sleep the previous day and the past week plus the extreme gym that afternoon, I slept like a log at the beautician’s. I woke up with a stiff neck and back due to the earlier work out. In the wise words of a young friend, “Why do you do this to yourself la? You are not sweet sixteen anymore.” Ouch! That hurt! :p

By the time I left the beautician, it was almost 8 pm and I was starving. Only had that wee bit of toast bread, half boiled egg and coffee for brunch. Met up with a few friends for a steamboat dinner but that was the quickest one I ever had. What a torture ~ gobbling up food on an empty stomach. We had to literally swallow our food and finish everything within an hour and a few minutes as we were headed to catch the 9.30pm movie “The Myth” at The Summit.

I thought by now, the relaxation bits would start to kick in. I need that quite desperately by then. Boy! Was I soooo wrong! My friend made a booking via sms. Little did she know that we got front row seats! Front row seats in concerts are fine but front row seats in the cinema … you know how it is! Oh well! Luckily it was an action movie with lots of martial arts movements; plus it has an interesting story line. (Interesting but not necessarily believable.) In any case, it was good entertainment value.

But goodness, between lack of sleep, starvation, extreme gym, stuffing food during dinner and hanging our heads watching an action pack movie with front row seats, I’d say by far this has been an EXTREME day. Maybe, I should win the fear factor by default … :p

I pray for moderation tomorrow … and for days to come. Over and out!

Body Combat with Raymond

Yup. This is the 3rd body combat post. So if you are tired of reading about combat, skip this one. : )

Raymond is back … and he just gets better and better! His combat classes are totally awesome! There is always so much pleasure (and pain) doing his combat classes. Geee … pleasure in pain? Now I sound like a masochist! :P

masochism n. pleasure in suffering physical or mental pain …
(source: The Little Oxford Dictionary)

Seriously, Raymond is really good. I learn more about the technique of combat from him than any other instructor. I get another chance to refine my kicks today … the side kick especially. Always have problems with that one. And he really makes us work to the max in that one hour. (I think I have lost feeling in my calf. :P) For instance, usually I don’t feel a thing in the first three tracks but today, feel it I did. He pushed us so hard, even in the recovery tracks that we were literally dripping with sweat. The interesting thing about combat or martial arts is that it’s not only the cardio bits that gives one such a good work out, but a combination of the former and the right technique where certain muscle groups get really stretched.

In Raymond’s words today, “First we concentrate on the technique, then the speed and the power, and finally the music.”

It’s such a pity that he will be returning to Hong Kong soon. It’s a loss to FF Malaysia for he is one of the best instructors there. Raymond, you will be sorely missed!

24 hours is simply NOT enough!

Gosh! Am I knackered! All the long days at work due to planning period, trying to keep up with the “run-a-muck” workouts, too many reunion dinners and late nights spent blogging. Ok. Ok. I know the last three is self inflicted since I don’t necessarily have to do them. In any case, I am running at a deficit when it comes to sleep; probably averages about 5 hours sleep a night. *yawn*

In any case, I have an axe to grind. The world should have been made to spin on its axis for more than just 24 hours! There is just not enough time to do everything!

Imagine this. We spend approximately 10 hours a day at work. At least I do. Throw in 2-3 hours of travelling to and from work due to the bloody jam. OK. That makes a total of about 13 hours gone. Tick tock tick ... Maybe I should follow my friend's lead and move to Labuan where everything is just 5-10 minutes away.

After work, we might meet up with friends for dinner or have a dinner date. That would take up at least 2 hours of our time (most likely more since we might get caught in another bloody jam getting there). Say, to keep a healthy lifestyle or to keep up with the “run-a-muck” challenge for some crazy people (* pointing at self *), we might want to work out for about an hour or more a day. Travelling to the gym or to the squash or badminton courts and showering after that could take up another hour. That will be a total of 2 hours for working out. So far, 17 hours are gone. Tick tock tick tock …

When we reach home, we need to wind down, spend time with family, watch TV, surf the net, write blogs, etc. All this could take another 2 hours or more. Now, a total of 19 hours are gone. Tick tock tick tock tick … Dang! There’s only less than 5 hours left to sleep. But we have yet to do other things we really want to do such as read, learn a new language, watch movie, play a musical instrument, paint, etc.

Weekends are no better but that’s another long story. There's always the cleaning to do, the errands to run, friends to visit, mountains to trek, books to read, movies/ DVDs to watch, places to go ... (Yeah! I know I should mention doing my dissertation somewhere on this piece. Oh dear! More things on the to-do list.)

Simply put, 24 hours is really not enough!!!

Gosh! I am really knackered. Good night, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

*Another yawn. Leanne signing out. Finally taking the toothpicks from the eyelids. .... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz*

A mountain biker in the making ... NOT

The only bike rides I do these days are the stationary ones in the gym. And what's worse, I have a slave driving instructor! :p

In any case, thought to share musings from my past with you. This was my first and last ride. It was great fun but asking too much of me on a beautiful Sunday morning that's meant for sleeping in. :D

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The New Year brings with it new resolutions, which unwittingly screws up a perfectly logical mind into thinking that … yeah, this is THE experience that would add spice to this newbie’s life for 2002! And that was how I ended up at Ulu Yam last Sunday albeit erm ... a little late … ok, ok a lot late. Sorry folks! I really wanted to make an impression …

Should I pause here and mention that waking up at 6.30 on a Sunday morning is totally against my religion??? Driving for miles after that towards the godforsaken end of the city and leaving my entire being at the mercy of fanatic bikers bent on racing like bats out of hell through jungle terrain … yadda yadda yadda … Help! I must be certifiable! Yeah, yeah … I am exaggerating but it does make for good reading!

The first inkling I had of how serious these bikers are about the sport was the absolutely cool outfits and accessories they wore. And there I was in my t-shirt and my totally un-canggih “ah sum” shorts. Nevertheless, I persevered. The show must go on … fashion be damned!

Riding the first few kilometers on dirt road was easy enough. “What is so difficult about biking anyway?” I remembered thinking to myself. A few more kilometers later and the path started to slope upwards and became more uneven and gravelly as we progressed.

Now, having ridden on chopper bikes and ancient grandfather’s bikes all my life, had not really prepared me for the shifting of gears in this modern day contraption disguised as a bike. A 3-gear chopper compared to an 8-speed bike with 24 gears – now how complicated can that get?!! Well, I would have taken to it like a duck to water but …

I was given clear instructions the day before on how and when to use what gears. Easy! I remembered being told specifically to keep my front gear at 2 since I am a beginner and play around with my rear gears to adjust to my riding on the terrain. Being the good little Girl Scout that I was, I listened to instructions carefully and followed them to a T!

Little wonder that I huffed and I puffed and I … pushed the bike up!!! I had to push the bike up 2 slopes before I finally discovered the wonders and joys of using the low front gear. Hallelujah! I can finally ride up a slope! Applause please, folks!

The rest of the ride went past in a blur. As the saying goes, what goes up must come down. And “weeeee”, did we go down! It was exhilarating! It was amazing! It was well worth all that huffing and puffing!!! And thank god for full suspension bikes!!!

The trek led us across streams where we had to carry our bikes and towards canopies of trees. Paths that heretofore only meant (to me) to be trekked on foot had me carefully balancing myself on two wheels. The ledge had never looked narrower from that vantage point. At some point, foliage seemed to grow all around us and I felt like a clumsy elephant trudging and crashing noisily through them.

Approximately 3 hours or so later, after some pretty hard riding (for me), being led down the wrong path, back trekking that wrong path, having an almost face to face encounter with the ground, stopping by the hot spring, resting, eating and exchanging friendly, verbal abuses … we finally arrived at the water falls. Oh, what a perfect end to an incredibly butt numbing and muscle aching morning. Well, almost. We still had some ways to go before we arrive at the entry/exit point.

Three days later, with butt aches and sore muscles in places I never knew existed, all I will say is this. When I next go biking, butt pads, sunglasses and gloves are a must! And hey, at least my 2002 began with a blast instead of a whimper!

Kudos to the organizers! Thank you for making this ride enjoyable enough for the newbies without us feeling pressured to hit the high speed. Would I come back for more? Probably. Would I take up biking regularly? Here, I will once again pause and think about the fact that waking up at 6.30 on a Sunday morning is against my religion. Then again, when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Happy Cranking! (hope I got the lingo right … )

Of fate and close calls ...

I started following the TV series Tru’ Calling recently. It’s about a girl who gets requests from “dead” people to save them. As their fate is not up yet, she is able to relive the day of their “deaths” and prevent that from happening. It’s an interesting premise and it got me thinking “what if”… We are all familiar with the saying, “a cat has nine lives”. But, have you ever wondered how many lives a human has before he meets his Maker?

Morbid thought? I think not. With the number of disasters ~ natural or man-made ~ occurring so frequently lately, this is worth a blog. After all, someone once said, the only certainty in life is death and taxes. We have read accounts of people who by chance/ fate escaped death in the 911 incident, and those who survived the tsunami that killed thousands of people on December 26th last year, and the recent bombings in London. I bet there are more accounts of close calls; which brings us to the subject of fate? Do you believe in it?

An event that occurred in the year 1999 has made a firm believer out of me. I was backpacking in New Zealand then. Had a couple of European travelling companions but we parted ways somewhere in Franz Josef and tentatively agreed to meet again in Queenstown. As events would have it, we did meet again in Queenstown while I was signing up for the 3pm jet boating session. My travelling companions urged me to change the session to 2pm as they have already signed up for that. Change it, I did.

Alas! … the guide of the jet boat lost control of the boat (he claimed later that there was a mechanical failure) and the boat hit the walls of the cliff and capsized! I can’t remember the exact chain of events as it all happened in a split second. When I “awake” from the shock, I realised I couldn’t move my legs as there was absolutely no feeling in them. Fortunately, it was merely extremely deep bruising but it took me four months to fully recover. But that incident claimed one life ~ that of a newly wed Japanese guy who was sitting two rows behind me at the opposite end of the boat.

My point is that it was fate that had me joining the 2pm jet boat session. If I had stuck to the 3pm session which I originally signed up, I would have been safe for it was cancelled after this incident. It was a close call too as the jet boat could have very well hit at my end of boat.

Looking back, I can recall a few vivid close calls in my life. In 1998, I was scuba diving at one of the dive sites in Sipadan Island; which is well known for its cross currents. While diving, the current suddenly pushed me downwards at a fast pace. I lost sight of my buddy but luckily for me, I saw (or thought I saw) the Danish guys (who was in the same diving group as us) further ahead of me. I chased after them but they seemed to be always just ahead of me. Finally I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw that one of the Danish guys was right behind me. He indicated that I should follow him and surface; which I did.

I was later told that:
* the Danish guys were never in front of me.
* the dive master gave chase but he couldn’t catch up with me as I was going downward too fast.
* my buddy was above me, but I could not see her at all.
* I was beyond the accepted level for recreational diving which has a limit of 100 feet below sea level.
* I had all the signs of being hit by nitrogen narcosis as I was hallucinating.

I also made several mistakes i.e. I dived down further instead of surfacing after I lost my buddy and my bearings. (First rule of diving is you surface when this happens!) The second mistake was that I kept chasing after the Danish guys as I imagined they had gone lower. I didn’t realise that I had such a close call until much later.

Now, if you think that the reason I have all these close calls is because I do dangerous activities, the next incident would negate this theory. In 2002, I had to make a trip to Ipoh for training. My colleague left earlier and thus, I had to drive back to KL on my own. I have done this route a hundred times and more as my hometown is near Ipoh. But that particular day, I was extremely tired and sleepy. I was planning to pull over to the next rest house but it was a long way away. I did not want to stop in the middle of nowhere as I have heard that robbers prey on lone drivers on that stretch of highway. So, I put on some upbeat music and increased the volume; all the while trying to keep my eyes open.

I must have fallen asleep with my eyes open as the next thing I knew, my heart started pumping extremely fast suddenly and I gained awareness in time to see my car hurtling straight towards a divider. Luckily I managed to swerve in time and also luckily the road was clear of cars as I could have hit other cars when I did my gut reaction swerve. I was so shaken but guess what? Just a kilometre or more away from that incident was the turn off to the rest house. I was shaking so hard that I had to stop and have a cup of coffee and forty winks. I called a friend too to relate the incident and to regain calmness and confidence to drive back the rest of the way.

Call it kismet, fate, divine intervention … whatever it is, I survived! So, how many more close calls do I get? Is there a quota to these things? What do you think?

Mountain Trekking

People often confuse mountain trekking with mountain climbing. The truth is they are far from the same. Mountain trekking is when we do non-technical climbs i.e. mountain climbing equipment is not required.

Mountain trekking is generally a lot easier than mountain climbing. All you need is a pair of strong legs, a good pair of lungs, a lot of stamina and a “never say die” attitude, and of course, the persistence to walk or trek up steep inclines continuously for a couple of hours a day. Generally, you would also need to be able to rough it out in tents or in the simplest of accommodations with au natural toilet service, and very basic nourishments. It would also make life a lot easier if you are not prone to AMS (acute mountain sickness). And finally of course, you should be armed with a good pair of hiking/ trekking boots, enough warm clothing and sweat proof clothes (if possible, so that you don’t catch a chill) and sufficient drinking water to prevent dehydration. Now, you are set to be a mountain trekker. Sounds easy and doable so far? If yes, read on.

Why mountain trekking? Why not just sit at home and watch discovery channel? Why not pay the money and fly over the mountains for a view? A friend once described mountain trekking as a very boring event and couldn’t fathom my passion for it. My boss often tells me that I am paying money to suffer when I could just sit in front of the idiot box with all comforts of life within reach. I couldn’t disagree more with both of them. However, I think the reasons one choose to go mountain trekking is very personal. For me, there are two prevailing reasons. One, the pleasure to witness the majestic mountain ranges at such close proximity and with my own eyes is very different from sitting at home and seeing it through the idiot box. Two, the sense of satisfaction and achievement is so incredibly heady. You could be on a high for several days and at that very moment when you conquered the mountain, you feel that nothing is impossible; nothing is beyond your reach.

Actually my first encounter with mountain trekking was in fact as recent as 2002. A friend and I decided to trek up Table Mountain in Capetown (which is all of 1000m high ~ don’t laugh la, we have to start easy first ma), instead of taking the cable car to the top. We managed to reach the top in 3 hours plus but could have done it in lesser amount of time if we had not gotten lost. That inspired us to try Mount Kinabalu (4,095m) and Annapurna Base Camp or more popularly known as ABC (4,237m) in Nepal the following year. Mount Kinabalu was a testing ground for my friends and me, before we attempted ABC. As history would have it, we came through with flying colours! We were definitely on an adrenaline high when we reached Low’s Peak and witness the incredible sunrise on Mount Kinabalu. That spurred us on to trek ABC.

Our expectations of ABC trek were similar to that of Mount Kinabalu. How wrong we were! ABC turned out to be a 10-day continuous trek as opposed to the 2-day trek at Mount Kinabalu. I think by the time we finished the trek, we have walked about 100 kms up and down the mountains. But instead of merely trekking and scenery watching, we experienced a whole new culture ~ that of the Nepalese people and the life they lead living in the isolated villages in the Himalayan Mountains. It was such an amazing adventure that it spurred us onwards to attempt Mount Kilimanjaro (5,896m) in Tanzania last year.

Kilimanjaro was a different ballgame altogether. We were totally unprepared when we were told we could not bathe during the entire trek. Secondly, although it is only a 5-day trek, the distances and inclines covered each day were tremendous. The trek was not very difficult but the altitude was playing havoc with our heads and tummies. Once again, the trek to Kilimanjaro was beyond our expectations. The sights were incredible, the cold was nasty and the AMS hit us badly. Despite all that and in spite of it, we had a grand time and a fantastic adventure.

And yes, we would attempt another mountain soon. We are already eyeing the Simien Mountains in Ethiopia or we could do the Annapurna Circuit or the Everest Base Camp. There is really no short of mountains to trek in this world.

I will leave you with these wise words.

“You don’t have to be a Sherpa to be a Himalayan climber; you don’t have to be an Inuit or a Norwegian to be a polar skier. What you need is the audacity to conceive the dream, the passion to fuel it and the tenacity to go the distance.”
~ Peter Hillary, son of Sir Edmund Hillary

“I am still attracted by what seems at first glance to be impossible. To me, the ultimate in adventure is to convert this impossibility into the feasible …”
~ Sir Chris Bonington, one of the most successful expedition leaders in the history of mountaineering

“Some plan their entire life and achieve nothing. Others achieve amazing things without a plan.”
~ Khoo Swee Chiow, 1st Southeast Asian and 4th in the world to complete the “Adventure Grand Slam”: the North and South poles and the Seven Summits