Confused or simply afraid?

I can’t believe I am still playing Aunt Agony on subjects like boy-girl, man-woman relationships. (At one time, I even played Aunt Agony to woman-woman and man-man relationships … but that’s another story for another time.)

Strange isn’t it that I have been elevated to the status of advisor and/or listener. After all, what are my credentials eh, some may ask? *shrugs* Perhaps it is my objectivity they seek as my common sense often prevail in most matters. After all, it is neither my heart nor my emotions at stake when I dispense advice. It is freely given and there is always a caveat that it is only in my humble opinion. I do not force my opinions down their throats but it does get frustrating when you are told the same story again and again (apologies ladies but you know where I stand on this), and you know that the only solution to the problem is for the person to take the “bull by the horns” or to cast it as a lost cause and move on. But how do you deal with friends who refuse to do either? How do you tell them that the best way to clarify confusion is to simply confront the issue?

Well, here are two stories which are plaguing two of my good friends for a few years now. (I do not know if I should salute their patience for hanging on or hit their heads for being so stubborn. Hahahaha … If it was me, I would have either taken the “bull by the horns” or moved on a long time ago.) Now, you be the judge of whether the guy is interested or not in each story; and if it is unclear as to their interests, what should the ladies do.

Story 1
A (my friend) has in the last few years renewed her friendship with a good varsity friend, B. They have gone out so often in groups and in twos that people around them have started the rumours that they are dating each other. The guy doesn’t deny it; neither does she. But they do not acknowledge it either. Both of them play it cool as a cucumber. Beats me how they could evade answering and acknowledging the million dollar question.

Anyway, over time, the friendship has turned into something more for A. But she is confused as to what B feels for her because he never says anything. When they go out, he fetches her every time. He introduces her to his group of friends and he goes on double dates with her and his married and attached friends. He pays for all their meals when they are out together (until she put her foot down). He spends most of his weekends with her. When he was asked by his friends who she is, his reply was that she is his varsity mate and that their relationship is complicated. Duh .. What does that mean? In any case, she dare not confront him or even ask subtle questions as to where their friendship/ relationship stand? This has been going for more than two years. And yet she is dragging her feet … and feeling more and more miserable each day. She is afraid of rocking the status quo yet she wants to know so badly if he actually likes her.

Now, over to you dear blog readers. Your verdict and your advice.

Story 2
C (my friend) knows this guy, D from church about 6 years ago. They hang around with the same group of church people and have a lot of activities together. Now C’s feelings for D have grown to a level of more than friendship but she dare not say anything. Meanwhile their friendship has progressed to the extent that they go out together and shop, watch movies, etc. He travels a lot for work and he buys gifts for her every time. Their “closeness” has gotten to a level where the church people are starting to speculate if they are dating each other. D’s parents too wondered the same thing. Meanwhile, there is no action from D. No confession, no other signals. There is another problem to this whole issue as well, C is about 6 years older than D although she doesn’t look her age. He knew she is older but he did not know by how many years until recently, when she told him. There was no big drama over that issue. Everything is as status quo i.e. they continue to “go out” together. She even goes dinner with his family members upon his invitation. So what gives here? Is he or is he not interested? Shouldn’t she at least ask him where this is all leading to? After all, this togetherness thing has been happening the last 3 years or so … Time’s a wasting!

But as with A, C is afraid to rock the boat and rather let love takes its course or not. I really would like to help C see the light here. I know it has been eating at her the last few years. This is no way to live a life of waiting … after all, even if she could wait, her biological clock couldn’t.

Again over to your “wise” thoughts dear blog readers.

The floor is now yours.