Do you know where you’re going to?

Do you know where you're going to
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to
Do you know?

Do you get
What you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for
Do you know?

~ Mariah Carey's "Do you know where you're going to?"

I had a conversation with a friend recently who is going through some confusing moments in his career and life. Strangely enough, I have been through a similar state myself in recent years … perhaps even worse than his. But ultimately I came through that with piece of mind and a lot more clarity than I started out. I would like to share my musings then and hope that this helps. I suppose some things are easier “said” on paper (or in this case in a blog), than spoken verbally.

Good luck my friend!

--------------------------------------------

Pre-mature midlife crisis

One would have thought that at age 29 I am too young to have a mid-life crisis. And if it did happen, it would have happened to anyone but me! I was so wrong! I guess it can ambush anyone at any age.

Mine started very subtly. First, it was dissatisfaction with my job and my career. After working my butt out for 5 years, I did not exactly like the direction my career was taking (although I suppose I was doing quite well among my peers) nor did I enjoy the hours that I was spending at work. (And yes! To those who have worked for 20-odd years … I salute you!) Working 12-hour days and mostly 7-day weeks, I began to see that I am wasting my youth away on a job that I do not enjoy. No time for family, no time for friends!

Then, dissatisfaction with my social life and love life set in. Why? Because they amounted to practically zero … mostly due to the vicious work cycle I mentioned earlier. Besides, my good friends were getting married one by one and we were growing apart.

I started to lose self-confidence and began cultivating self-doubt. And this is the worst thing ever to happen to me. Why? Because I am the confident sort. If you want to call me names, a know-it-all would have suited me just fine. I used to be someone who knew exactly what I wanted and believed that I can change my destiny. Therefore, it behooved me to face my own worst enemy ~ self-doubt. Oh … how the mighty have fallen!

Ah … but self-doubt is just the tip of the iceberg. Then comes self-pity, a totally useless emotion that will spiral a person downwards and if not taken seriously, will lead to depression. I was lucky not to have succumbed to that nightmarish beast for long.

Allow me to digress here. We live in a society that holds so much expectation of the young. Wealth, status, fame … the ultimate goals in life that are drummed into our heads since young. Conformity and expectations have long since been the name of the game. And success in life is measured by who you are and what you own; not how happy you are. As you can see, it is not an easy world we live in.

The first step I took was to question myself honestly. That if I was to strip away all expectations from society and I (for we are all ultimately influenced by society no matter how much we deny that), then who am I and what do I want. The journey has been a long and arduous one. And I must confess I am not out of the woods yet.

The point is we all have different priorities in life. And these priorities change at different stages in our life. At some point, we might have doubts and not know what we want. And that is fine. The important thing to know is that there is always a way out of that abyss of self-pity. All we need do is to look deeper within ourselves. We have to be true to ourselves. And then we must be ready to make the changes and accept the consequences. It has been a journey of self-discovery for me. And for better or for worse, I have no regrets. And though I am not euphoric, I am at peace with myself.

To all of you out there who is going through this phase in life, it is not the end of the world nor is it silly or stupid to be knee deep in “mid-life crisis”. Just remember that life is full of options and surprises. All we need is the courage to take it on. And I, for one who has gone through it, have not only survived but also thrived!

Take heart!