EI ~ Manage or Manipulate?

EI (Emotional Intelligence) refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions in us and in our relationships. EI describes abilities distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence or the purely cognitive capacities measured by IQ.
(Source: http://ei.haygroup.com/about_ei/)

Random conversation on EI:

Jack: The course taught us that by applying different methods in handling people, we would be able to get them to agree or accept or do something we wish far easier. Understanding people is the key to learning to handle them.

Jill: How so?

Jack: Well … take for instance you and your sister. You are more open to new ideas, therefore I would tell a far fetch idea to you straight. Your sister, on the other hand, tends to stick to the comfort zone. She would need more convincing. So perhaps, I would relate the idea to her in a different manner. Maybe propose the idea in a roundabout way and lead her to draw that conclusion on her own or lead her to think that she is the one who came up with the idea.

Jill: That sounds like manipulation, don’t you think?

Jack: No. That’s EI or EQ some might call it. It’s how you manage the people around you. Manipulation has a negative slant to it. It implies that one is being crafty or sly in getting their way.

Jill: But that’s what EI sounds like to me. Or rather what your example sounds to me.

Jack: No, it’s not. There’s a fine line between manipulation and managing.

Jill: Well, I still don’t see that fine line. I think it’s pretty crafty to get your friend to do something but not being forthright about it. I can understand using EI to handle your staff, your peers or your boss. But using EI on your friends? That still smack of manipulation to me. I thought friendship means honesty and showing your friends “your true face” … not a façade.

Jack: It’s not a façade. And it does not matter in what circumstances; whether at the work place or with your friends. And you are straying away from the point of discussion! EI is all about knowing the person you are dealing with and getting the message across in the least antagonistic and most tactful way.

Jill: I still don’t buy that. OK, I can accept that you handle your colleagues and business partners like that. But friends ... I feel that is a sacred relationship and should not be manipulated by whatever new age management study….

Jack: Urrghhh … talking to you is like hitting my head against a brick wall. *glares at Jill*

Jill: That is just my opinion la. Maybe you are not putting your EI into practice very well. Otherwise, I should be convinced by now. *grins back at Jack*