Friday, November 04, 2005

Relationships and Chemistry

“What is it that you look for in a man? Money, status, security …?” The usual refrain started. But what was surprising was it came out from the mouth of my boss (ex-boss now). Shocked that I was even hassled by my boss about my single status, I just gave a flippant reply. “Chemistry!” I said, in the hopes that he would take the hint and shut up. But no, as bosses go, they would want to have the last word, even on these subjects. “Oh! In that case, I’ll introduce you to my brother-in-law,” said he. I looked at him, confused. “He is single and he is … a Chemist,” he continued half seriously. :p

The joke was definitely on me then. Although the reply I gave my boss was meant to be flippant, I believe whole heartedly that chemistry or rather the right chemistry is what makes the difference between two people. Let’s not single out man-woman relationship. Let’s look at the wider scope which includes friendship, boss-staff relationship, parent-child relationship, relationship between siblings, peers, etc …. What makes a relationship tick? Why is it that you can talk non-stop to one person but you have to crack your brain for conversation with another? Why does a boss favour one staff to another? (Besides the usual reasons of some people “sucking up” to bosses. :p) Why do you get along better with your mom compared to your dad or vice versa? Personally I believe it boils down to chemistry.

chem·is·try n. pl. chem·is·tries
1. The science of the composition, structure, properties, and reactions of matter, especially of atomic and molecular systems.
2. The composition, structure, properties, and reactions of a substance.
3. The elements of a complex entity and their dynamic interrelation: “Now that they had a leader, a restless chemistry possessed the group” (John Updike).
4. Mutual attraction or sympathy; rapport: The chemistry was good between the partners.
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


Note the 3rd and 4th definitions. My interpretation; a cosmic alignment at a moment in time when you meet this person and bang! you feel that everything is coming together for you (or falling apart).

I have experienced that many times in my life. I was introduced to one of my best friends in varsity days in a lecture hall and traded insults on the first day we met. But the stars must have aligned themselves then because something clicked and we hit it off instantaneously and became fast friends. I can’t even remember the day I met one of my ex-bosses but we got on famously since then. And for that period of time I worked in the company, I rarely have any issues with him. In fact he was my mentor and my confidant. The first day I met D, again there must have been a precise cosmic alignment because we just talked and talked from early eve till late night … we probably chatted for 7-8 hours that first day. We used to burn the telephone lines. Digi and Time (then) made a lot of money from our calls. The opposite has happened to me too. There have been moments in my life when I meet a person and took an instantaneous dislike to that person. And no matter how I try not to make any judgement, even little things about that person irritates the hell out of me. In rare instances like this, I try to limit our contact so as not to create a bad situation.

Recently I met a new group of friends and we just hit it off. We talked about anything and everything under the sun, and our conversations are almost no holds barred. There is really no rhyme, no reason why we get along so well. There are age differences, characteristics differences, diversity in professions, etc. But yet, … when we get together, it’s like the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. And it is a whole lot of fun! It’s a mystery to me how that happens. A friend calls it group dynamics. I call it simply the right chemistry. :D

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