I have always sucked at giving platitudes in times of sorrow. Probably because having been in the position of the person suffering a loss, I had preferred not to have platitudes thrown my way. Somehow, no matter the intention, there is a tendency that those words come out sounding awkward and false; instead of sympathetic. Besides, when people say those words to me, it would set off the water works and sometimes, I wonder if I cry because I am sad or ... Ok. Freud would have a fine time analysing my brain.
Just last week, my friend’s beloved dog was put to sleep. I did not know what to say, fearing that whatever I say was going to come out sounding clichéd. So, I sent her a text message and offered my sympathies and also a shoulder to cry on should she need one. I have not called her since but told her via SMS that I would catch up with her after she recovers from her grieve.
A few days ago, I found out that a former classmate gave birth to a stillborn baby. The foetus was still in the womb and barely seven months old when they couldn’t detect a heartbeat. It’s been two weeks since the incident and I heard that both husband and wife were pretty devastated. I knew they were both looking forward towards their second child. They have been trying for many years. Their eldest is now five years old. I was shocked because I met up with her just three months ago and she was glowing with health! I tried calling her yesterday but there was no reply. I have no idea what to say to her but … I am pretty sure it has hit her badly because she has not returned my missed calls (usually she is very prompt).
I am still clueless as to what to say to them. Words don’t come easy in situations like this.
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There are no perfect words to say in the loss of a pet or a child, so I think you should Just Do It. Call or visit, say you're sorry, that you care about them, and after a few minutes, unless they beg you to say, make your graceful exit. Maybe in a week or two, reappear and just ofer your friendship. Even if they hate everything you say, all you can do is all you can do. Don't worry about being perfect. It's a waste of time. and it will keep you from acting on what you know to be true.
You are so right. Sometimes I try so hard to come up with the right words to say. But really, there can never be the right or perfect words to say in such a situation. I just have to be a friend who is there if/ when they need me.
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